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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here are some things my (individual) therapist has said to me:

“How do you think that made him feel when you said that?”

“Not all emotions are valid.”

“Do you think that is a reasonable ask?”

“What exactly do you want?”

“This is the part where we practice distress tolerance, because you cannot change your situation.”

This was in addition to lots of validating things but I was certainly not coddled. It was painful. [/quote]

I hope he established that your partner was not mentally/physically abusive before going down that road … [/quote]

She, and yes. She helped me realize that the things he was doing were legitimately damaging and wrong.  She also said that some things he was doing sounded like gaslighting. We examined that a little more and decided that he was not gaslighting, just doing unintentionally harmful things because of his own baggage and lack of understanding about emotions and relationships. So I guess a fundamental component of successful therapy is a client who isn’t just trying to demonize everyone else. [/quote]

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