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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.[/quote]
100%[/quote]

At some point it won’t require the day to day right?  Because they’ll be far gone enough to not know one way or the other how often someone has visited or for how long, correct?[/quote]

Yes and because of this is when they need the most support. They need an advocate at their most vulnerable period. Apparently you hate hearing this but it is true. [/quote]

I disagree. My mother  has dementia and in the early stages we took her on cruises with her family including grandkids. Spent a lot of time with her when she knew who we were and could at least remember some things. I took my kids to visit several times a week. Now she is in the ending stages. and I rarely visit. I have no guilt about it and I don’t think it makes a difference. It just seems to interrupt her routine. What does she need an advocate for at this stage? No one should have to suffer through end stage dementia. It’s cruel for the suffering person and their family.[/quote]

Different poster and you make an important point about things we don't discuss enough. Sometimes pulling back is best for everyone as long as you make sure the person is cared for based on their needs at that stage and toward the end we really think about if the person wants lifesaving measures with no quality of life.

The nature of my relationship with my dad and the way he aged was that I could be there at every stage and he wanted me there. My has aged differently. My mother was always difficult, but I figured out how to have a friendly relationship at most stages of life and not expect emotional support or fairness. Strangely enough my mother could feign being quite supportive to nieces and nephews and usually siblings too and then badmouth them behind their backs. My mother now in her 80s gets extremely agitated by my presence. It has gotten progressively worse over the years and I have stepped back to protect myself and my family. We now have a very distant relationship. The sad thing is she yearns to hurl insults at me. So while I do feel it's best for both of I have a distant relationship and let her be around those who bring out her best, she tries to manipulate those people into dragging me in by telling sob stories and when that doesn't work she makes up she is worried about me and thinks I have changed and they need to find out what is wrong with me. She has a strong desire to release all her pent up rage on me. A lot of that rage is displaced-siblings divorce case hits a bump or other sibling gets fired or cousin doesn't have time for her calls-rage at me.So on the one hand she desperately craves a release for the rage, on the other hand, I do think it is best for all for her to have professionals involved in her care and visits from people who bring out a nicer side. I don't think her body could handle the level of agitation that floods her seeing me more often and I don't want to risk ever giving back to her even a fraction of what she throws my way.[/quote]

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