Reply to How to maintain an active sex life over the decades?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are at least two other threads discussing changes in libido as people age within marriage. Any suggestions as to how to ensure that sex remains a core part of your marriage that both partners value? One person talked about having a wife in her 50s who barely makes any effort in bed now because she didn't need to back in her youth when she was gorgeous with a perfect body. I imagine that is a recipe for a dead bedroom as the decades pass. What things should couples avoid and what things should they proactively do besides setting aside a date night? [/quote]

[b]Marry someone who enjoys having one-nighy stands with poor people.[/b] If you marry an asexual who uses sex transactionally to land a paycheck and father, it's a lost cause. [/quote]

TBH, though you are being rude, this is definitely part of it for DH and me. We've been married 15 years, so not the "decades" other people are describing. We have sex pretty much every day, pretty equal initiation between me/him. I'm 43 and he's 49. We have 2 kids. There were times when we were not having sex every day. There were times when we were not even having sex every week. Neither one of us freaked out during those times. We didn't see it as a red flag in our relationship. We have never had a dry spell due to a problem in the relationship making one of us less interested in sex. It's not a tool or a transaction or a reward or a bribe. [/quote]

Oops. Posted before I was finished.

Before marriage, we both had a lot of experience - yes, with one night stands with poor people, rude PP. Sex that existed purely because we wanted to - not because of a relationship that had an expectation - helped both of us to learn what we liked and get good at it. Sex is not a tool of manipulation or a change agent in our relationship - no one is giving anyone sex and expecting any particular action as a result. I think it is helpful that we have similar histories because there are few one-sided issues and assumptions. There is a lot of smack talked about one night stands, but it's a way for a person to learn sexually without the responsibility of a relationship to maintain. DH and I have been through various physical problems and relational problems, but we always come back to "this is something we like in general and we like doing it together" and it usually becomes a stress reliever for both of us. [/quote]

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