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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What are some of the things narcissistic mothers say and do?[/quote] when you’re a 9 year old piano player learning the Happy Farmer she pushes you off the piano bench and plays a Chopin’s Polonaise.[/quote]

Thank you for this one example. I read so many posts from women who hate their mothers, but never any examples of what it is exactly, their mothers did to them. I would implore everybody to be very cautious of therapists. To be honest, the two most self-centered, insecure women I have known in my adult life felt rudderless as empty nesters and became therapists. They charge and arm and a leg, but I simply cannot imagine ever getting becoming a healthier person just by sitting down with the likes of them. My DD tried therapy a few times for her anxiety in high school and could not believe how strange the therapists she tried all were. I know this is so unsympathetic, but barring physical and sexual abuse, and real neglect, should having a mother who is basically just not that nice really ruin your life?[/quote]

One of the psychological research studies I remember from my days studying psych was the baby monkey study, where they took baby monkeys from their mothers and gave them the choice of a wire monkey model with a bottle full of food and a terry cloth covered monkey model with no food on offer. The baby monkeys chose more time cuddling with the cloth covered monkey over being fed by the wire monkey.

Similarly there is abundant evidence of the deep psychological harm done to babies in orphanages in eastern block countries where food and basic care like diaper changing was provided, but almost no human contact otherwise.

Food, clothing, shelter and legally required education are the absolute minimum standards of parenting and no parent should get any praise for providing it. Kids don’t ask to be born. Emotional neglect of children is despicable enough, but the kind of parents who intentionally inflict emotional distress on developing children cause more harm in the aggregate to our society than a whole host of petty criminals.

I consider cruel parents on an equal footing with murderers, rapists, and child molesters - yes I mean that and as a former prosecutor and a child survivor of all the kinds of abuse I have seen and know firsthand the damage.

It crushes a child’s spirit every bit as much being cruelly bullied systematically throughout childhood by a parent as by being molested by the neighbor. I’ve had both happen to me and I know others who have as well and I can assure you that for most folks, it’s the cruelty of their parents that weighs on their hearts every moment of every day of their lives.[/quote]

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