Reply to Do you ever take a PTO day without telling spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I didn’t tell him because he’d get offended I didn’t want him around and/or he’d expect me to be doing something “productive” (like chores that otherwise have to get done evenings and weekends).  I just wanted to spend the day in bed, in my sweats, eating chips and watching awful daytime TV while scrolling DCUM and other mindless internetting!  [b]I didn’t pretend to go to work.  He has a longer commute so leaves earlier than I do.  I worked out this AM and took the kids to school as usual, then returned home.[/b] [/quote]
You have to still see that as a lie of omission. Since you didnt say anything and knew he left before you, you knew he wouldnt "notice" so you didnt have to tell him outright.

I dont think Id appreciate my spouse behaving like this. "if she doesnt specifically ask, I dont have to tell" feels wrong in a marriage (in mine at least). [/quote]

Yes, I (OP) agree it’s a lie of omission.  If I thought I could just say “hey, taking the day off to veg on the couch” and his response would be “cool, enjoy” I would!  [/quote]

Yes; this is your problem. He is too clingy and controlling. You need to be able to take a day off and do what you want. I can see how your husband might have been surprised you didn’t tell him so this is a perfect time to say that you need him to react differently next time. You could also try something like, “Work has been so stressful. I’m going to look for a quiet day in the next few weeks to take off and take care of myself.”

And if he asks you to let him know so that he can take off with you, you need to shut that down but soften it like, “Hon, let’s plan a day after the kids go back to school in Jan to do something together. I really do need a day off just me this time.”[/quote]

OP here, I think this is basically what I'm going to tell him tonight.  Going forward I'll tell him if I have a day off but if I want to be alone and/or be non-productive on my day off, I expect him to respect that.  I think part of this is he's just wired differently.  He is generally higher-energy than I am (and has the less stressful job though he does make more) so the prospect of laying around the house all day holds no appeal to him.  What another PP said along the lines of "we're so busy I wouldn't waste spouse's time taking a day off to do nothing) is something he would say.  [/quote]

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