Reply to Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful

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Reply to "Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it's a lot to unpack and it's obvious that you're still reeling from the discovery. Your reaction is normal.

Every marriage is private and cannot be fully understood from the outside, including the children from said marriage. I suspect your living parent's reaction will be key to how you process. If they knew of the cheating or even tolerated it, it's really not your place to judge your dead parent as a partner. If your living parent was as blindsided as you were, then they have a lot of processing and healing to do, and that's separate from your own process.

Ultimately, I believe that every person has many facets. One can be a fantastic parent but a crappy spouse. One can even be very selfish in general but still a good parent. There are also plenty of reverse cases: kind to everyone outside the family but cruel to loved ones. Anyone holding a perfect version of someone they love is bound to be disappointed. In your case, the distance between what you'd known growing up and what you just found out is greater than many and the feeling of loss and disorientation is also that much deeper. You may never fully know your dead parent as a person (most of us don't), but what you do know is how they'd always treated you. I wish you peace.[/quote]

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