Reply to In your adult kids’ lives, are you the cool in laws, the lame in laws, … and

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's how you tell: where do they spend the most holidays? Do they ever vacation with you or near you?

That's what I've always used as a reference. I can think of several family and friend examples where this is true.

We see my ILs once a year because that's the polite thing to do. We choose to hang out with my parents several times a year because they are fun and enjoyable company. We've vacationed with my parents several times and always have a blast. My spouse texts with my mom pretty frequently. [/quote]

You left out that you wear the pants in your family and that you iced out your in laws, which is pretty mean. [/quote]

NP. That’s not about whether a woman “wears pants,” it’s about whether the man is passive and/or disinterested in his family, vs. if he is active and cares about his family.

I have a cousin whose wife prefers to spend all Christmases with her family, and his family “gets” Thanksgiving. My ILs think this is unfair, but the son they raised goes along with it and rarely calls them and is completely disinterested in family dynamics.

Whereas if I told my husband I only wanted certain holidays with my family, or I only wanted to vacation with my family and never his, he would laugh and say “Nope.” And he’s extremely mild-mannered.

The thing is, the premise that “we only spend time with the ones who are fun” is false. My ILs are super boring and seriously overbearing. But we put up with it because they are still good people, and our kids benefit from knowing all of their extended family members, barring any abuse or toxic dynamics. Being super boring does not mean I would refuse to take the occasional vacation with them.[/quote]

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