Reply to Family annoyance - passive aggressive "niceness"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, thanks to those of you who seem to get it.

It isn't passive aggressive all the time, though sometimes it is.

It is repressed, and muted, and there is never a genuine expression of emotion. Just careful control to not have a feeling, or a want, and never to express a feeling, or a want. 
...[/quote]This and what the PP wrote about saving face in Japanese culture describes my family. But the other side of the saving face system is a tally system.

Because if someone never expresses a want, then they never need to feel indebted when you fulfill that want for them. Like your brother doesn't want to "owe" you for making them breakfast. Your mother doesn't want to "owe" you for letting her hold the baby. Or "owe" you for prepping grapes. It's like an informal point system that everyone is keeping their own personal tally. And everyone is trying to gain advantage in the tally. That's what really annoys me.[/quote]
This….is so warped.  Why would anyone owe you because you let them hold your baby? If someone makes you dinner, you should be nice to them in return (even if you didn’t want it, tbh) but that’s not owing something, other than owing courtesy.  Sometimes I’ll be reading DCUM, and I’ll be thinking, why can’t any of these people get along with their family? Then I’ll read a post like this, and it all makes sense. I mean, your post doesn’t make sense, but it makes sense to me that people who think like this will have trouble with basic human interactions.[/quote]That it's a horrible way to live is what I'm saying too. It's so petty and so frustrating. Be thankful you don't deal with people like that. [/quote]

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