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Reply to "Family annoyance - passive aggressive "niceness""
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, thanks to those of you who seem to get it. It isn't passive aggressive all the time, though sometimes it is. It is repressed, and muted, and there is never a genuine expression of emotion. Just careful control to not have a feeling, or a want, and never to express a feeling, or a want. ...[/quote]This and what the PP wrote about saving face in Japanese culture describes my family. But the other side of the saving face system is a tally system. Because if someone never expresses a want, then they never need to feel indebted when you fulfill that want for them. Like your brother doesn't want to "owe" you for making them breakfast. Your mother doesn't want to "owe" you for letting her hold the baby. Or "owe" you for prepping grapes. It's like an informal point system that everyone is keeping their own personal tally. And everyone is trying to gain advantage in the tally. That's what really annoys me.[/quote]
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