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Reply to "Family annoyance - passive aggressive "niceness""
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[quote=Anonymous]Inlaws are asian so you can only tell something isn't going their way/that there is an issue when they stand back and have conversations quietly amongst themselves and then make weird seemingly minor suggestions or irrelevant statements. eg "here are some appetizers" and gesturing to obvious appetizers multiple times because they feel people aren't eating them enough or "we would like to get food" repeatedly when we are on our way to a restaurant- when we KNOW they want to go eat- so why do they keep stating this- instead of stating 'I know we said we wanted xx type of food but now we actually want xx type of food and are too scared to tell you- but will not eat anything once we get there because we didn't tell you we no longer want to eat that". They are very indirect, which is seen as weird and confusing in my family. For a while I tried to second-guess whatever their deal was but I have long since given up and MIL/FIL now know to be direct and I am never offended. I'm only offended when they waste time by not getting what they need by beating around the bush. Or I will sense something and let DH know it's above my paygrade but if he cares to figure it out, he can address it. They are also the kind of people who will hold a door open and stand in the way at length, gesturing for everyone to enter- when there is little room for everyone to get by, so what they are doing is more rude than the rudeness they are trying to avoid by gesturing/welcoming everyone in. They will enter a room and stop dead so everyone has to walk around them because they are too polite to enter. They are wonderful humans and I'd rather have that than absolute jerks but it's oddly annoying.[/quote]
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