Reply to “You’re cut out of the will”- my dysfunctional family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a learned behavior as you say, so I'd try to have some compassion around it. We all want to be unlike our parents, and we succeed in some ways and fail in others. You're aware of it, so you could break the cycle.

Could you bring up this dynamic to her? "I used to get so upset hearing grandpa say this to you, and now you're doing the same to me. I'm so curious about this - what's going on for you?"

Have a conversation and then decide what to do. [/quote]

I tried this sort of thing back when I was trying everything to have a decent relationship with my aging mother. It set off a rage fit. I suspect this will happen to anyone else who tries it because normal, rational, decent people with emotional regulation and empathy do not much such threats. If you confront an unstable on their concerning behavior it rarely goes well unless the person is in therapy and medicated.[/quote]

That’s definitely frustrating. What do you want to do now? What boundaries do you need? Be intentional and then have your own back. I like to make the boundaries with love + compassion to both parties. I know it sounds silly, or woo, but being angry about it doesn’t serve me. It takes the charge out of it.

That’s not to say you won’t have to reevaluate or can’t be angry/charged/sad later. We have a family wedding coming up and it’s bringing up a lot for me. I am thinking about boundaries for a new situation.

Take care.

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