Reply to My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your daughter is 2.  It doesn't matter what her "love language" is.  Forget whatever quiz you took or whatever paradigm you feel you fit into.  All two year olds like a lot of physical closeness.  All two year olds want to be on your lap, in your face, holding your hands, touching your body.  Your body still belongs to them in pretty primal ways and will for another couple of years.  They are very young children still, many of them still nurse into the second year of life.

Little kids this age hold hands, hug, touch, get close, sensory seek.  It's not a "love language."  It's early childhood.  Their bodies are small.  [/quote]

With all due respect, this isn't true of all kids.  DD is was never one to be all over us -- not as a baby, not at 2, not now at 4.  Yes, she likes to cuddle and touch us, but I would never characterize it as "a lot of physical closeness." When she's in the mood, she's huggy and cuddly and sits in our lap or holds our hand.  But just as often she pulls away a bit and demonstrates that she wants space.  Again, she was like this even as a baby.  We call her "selectively affectionate" (and in general she's not especially sensory.)

That said, she's quite verbal, and as a family we've always used words to express our affection for each other.  We've also learned how to talk about physical closeness -- asking if she wants a hug and kiss, asking if she wants to sit on our lap, and her learning to ask us for the same -- plus everyone learning to talk about "needing a little space" -- again, she's said it to us and we've said it to her.  As an aside, all this talking about affection/space has been helpful as she's entered pre-school.  Apparently kids learning to understand and respect each other's differing needs for affection and personal space is a big developmental theme in her class.

So again, I do believe that there's a wide range of normal in terms of a person's need for and interest in physical affection.  This goes for children as well as adults.  I don't think OP needs therapy -- I just think she needs to give as much physical affection as she can without feeling like she's faking it or undermining her own needs for space.  And she should help her daughter understand that asking for a little space is not rejection -- both so she doesn't feel rejected AND so she's comfortable expressing limits and preferences as she gets older, too.

It's also good to teach DD that there are many ways to show love -- pointing out specific examples as they happen, both with DD and with DH or others.  Things like doing nice things for each other or listening to each other's stories or helping each other etc.  All ways to show DD how much you love her, as long as you help her understand what those acts mean. [/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for these helpful suggestions.  I will certainly be trying them.  Thank you so much.  [/quote]

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