Anonymous wrote:13:47 here and I must agree with 14:32...
When we're home DD now walks around wrapped in a blanket and reduced A LOT of her need for being rubbing against me 24/7!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your daughter is 2. It doesn't matter what her "love language" is. Forget whatever quiz you took or whatever paradigm you feel you fit into. All two year olds like a lot of physical closeness. All two year olds want to be on your lap, in your face, holding your hands, touching your body. Your body still belongs to them in pretty primal ways and will for another couple of years. They are very young children still, many of them still nurse into the second year of life.

Little kids this age hold hands, hug, touch, get close, sensory seek. It's not a "love language." It's early childhood. Their bodies are small.

With all due respect, this isn't true of all kids. DD is was never one to be all over us -- not as a baby, not at 2, not now at 4. Yes, she likes to cuddle and touch us, but I would never characterize it as "a lot of physical closeness." When she's in the mood, she's huggy and cuddly and sits in our lap or holds our hand. But just as often she pulls away a bit and demonstrates that she wants space. Again, she was like this even as a baby. We call her "selectively affectionate" (and in general she's not especially sensory.)

That said, she's quite verbal, and as a family we've always used words to express our affection for each other. We've also learned how to talk about physical closeness -- asking if she wants a hug and kiss, asking if she wants to sit on our lap, and her learning to ask us for the same -- plus everyone learning to talk about "needing a little space" -- again, she's said it to us and we've said it to her. As an aside, all this talking about affection/space has been helpful as she's entered pre-school. Apparently kids learning to understand and respect each other's differing needs for affection and personal space is a big developmental theme in her class.

So again, I do believe that there's a wide range of normal in terms of a person's need for and interest in physical affection. This goes for children as well as adults. I don't think OP needs therapy -- I just think she needs to give as much physical affection as she can without feeling like she's faking it or undermining her own needs for space. And she should help her daughter understand that asking for a little space is not rejection -- both so she doesn't feel rejected AND so she's comfortable expressing limits and preferences as she gets older, too.

It's also good to teach DD that there are many ways to show love -- pointing out specific examples as they happen, both with DD and with DH or others. Things like doing nice things for each other or listening to each other's stories or helping each other etc. All ways to show DD how much you love her, as long as you help her understand what those acts mean.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am like you as is my mom, so we were well matched in that regard. My dad was super touchy feely and i HATED HATED HATED it!!!!!! If i tried to pull away from a hug when I was done he would lay on a guilt trip about how I didn't love him or respect him etc. I would be thinking "I love you, I just don'nt love touching you so much." My sister who is 10 yrs older than me needs a lot of touch and to this day berates.my mom for not touching her enough and for pushing her away. (Though she does the exact same thing to her kids.)

To tell a non touchy feely person to just deal with it is like telling a left handed person to be right handed, or telling an extrovert to stop needing so much social contact etc. You are the way you are and I think it is important fkr OP to make an effort to meet her daughters needs but it is also important for the daughter to learn that not everyone has the same needs she does. It is a two way street.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your daughter is 2. It doesn't matter what her "love language" is. Forget whatever quiz you took or whatever paradigm you feel you fit into. All two year olds like a lot of physical closeness. All two year olds want to be on your lap, in your face, holding your hands, touching your body. Your body still belongs to them in pretty primal ways and will for another couple of years. They are very young children still, many of them still nurse into the second year of life.

Little kids this age hold hands, hug, touch, get close, sensory seek. It's not a "love language." It's early childhood. Their bodies are small.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am like you as is my mom, so we were well matched in that regard. My dad was super touchy feely and i HATED HATED HATED it!!!!!! If i tried to pull away from a hug when I was done he would lay on a guilt trip about how I didn't love him or respect him etc. I would be thinking "I love you, I just don'nt love touching you so much." My sister who is 10 yrs older than me needs a lot of touch and to this day berates.my mom for not touching her enough and for pushing her away. (Though she does the exact same thing to her kids.)

To tell a non touchy feely person to just deal with it is like telling a left handed person to be right handed, or telling an extrovert to stop needing so much social contact etc. You are the way you are and I think it is important fkr OP to make an effort to meet her daughters needs but it is also important for the daughter to learn that not everyone has the same needs she does. It is a two way street.

Anonymous wrote:I think people are misunderstanding you, OP. Are you someone who distresses by alone time? It's perfectly okay to not enjoy excessive touch. If you never want your child to touch you, that's a problem. If you are exhausted by 24/7 touching, that might not be unusual. It's probably just your kid's age, when she desires a lot of touch. Or maybe she feels insecure about something and is seeking reassurance through touch.

I think you need to keep making the extra effort to provide her with touch, but you can't ignore your own needs. It will show in HOW you touch her. Providing less but truly quality touch time is far more important than more but disinterested, half-resentful touch. Give her some dedicated touch time, and find ways to redirect it when you are overwhelmed - explain to her that in addition to touch, words and actions can also show love. Read her a book, ask her about something she's excited about, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP I hear you. Ignore the stupid trolls sending you to therapy. It's totally normal. How old is your child?

I'm at a breaking point now... all 3 (DH, DD and my newborn) crave this physical closeness and I'm dying for some space. At one point last weekend I had DD sitting on my lap while I BF the baby and DH was laying on my leg. I could not breathe but they were all so happy I could not bring myself to ask them to move. It didn't last long and I just tolerated it.

DD needs to touch me no matter what we're doing. She's 2 and even when we're eating together she has to touch me under the table rubbing her toes on my leg or even holding hands!!! LOL I write a journal for them to read when they grow up and just yesterday I asked her why she wants to hold hands during dinner but insists in trying to run away when we're at a parking lot HAHA

Anyway, it won't last forever and part of it in my case is hormonal (I read somewhere that when you have a baby your hormones make you icky to physical touch as a birth control measure to protect the new baby and your milk supply).

I know it won't last forever so right now I just suck it up. DH knows how I feel and he's pretty good at giving me space most of the time and for 1 hour every day I go away somewhere just by myself so I can get rid of the icky feeling.