Reply to My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions?

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Reply to "My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I am like you as is my mom, so we were well matched in that regard. My dad was super touchy feely and i HATED HATED HATED it!!!!!! If i tried to pull away from a hug when I was done he would lay on a guilt trip about how I didn't love him or respect him etc. I would be thinking "I love you, I just don'nt love touching you so much."  My sister who is 10 yrs older than me needs a lot of touch and to this day berates.my mom for not touching her enough and for pushing her away. (Though she does the exact same thing to her kids.)

To tell a non touchy feely person to just deal with it is like telling a left handed person to be right handed, or telling an extrovert to stop needing so much social contact etc. You are the way you are and I think it is important fkr OP to make an effort to meet her daughters needs but it is also important for the daughter to learn that not everyone has the same needs she does. It is a two way street. [/quote]

Honestly, your dad is wrong and so was your mom. Children and parents are not the same. Parents don't get to disregard their children's needs because "it's not their way". Your dad violated your boundaries and the guilt tripping is borderline emotional abuse. Honestly, it probably plays the same role as grooming does for child molesters (weakening boundaries, inspiring confusion and guilt). But your mother likely exacerbated your sister's anxiety and need for touch by refusing to give it to her. The fact that "she does the same things to her kids" suggests that your entire family has issues which you are happily passing on from generation to generation. It's not normal to dread touching your own child. It's not normal to whine and guilttrip your child to touch them. There is a middle ground - it's called trying to fulfil your child's emotional needs like a non emotionally damaged, psychlogically table human being. You should try it. [/quote]

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