Reply to Dh has stopped pretending to care and it’s a real bummer

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband is this way. He's a doctor, so he'll take care of us as long as we have physical symptoms. But mental health? Stress? Forget it. His medical school training did not address that and his high-functioning autism makes it hard for him to step into other people's shoes. Anyway, when he's experiences struggle, he doesn't react the same way as I do: he never cries (his beloved brother died and he didn't even cry), he starts yelling, but doesn't connect it to his stress. He has very little awareness of how psychology and emotions interact.

So I've had to literally talk him through it: how to identify an emotion, and how to figure out why that person is emotional (his mind works in 360 degrees and he gets confused as to which is the most probable reason, because to him they're all equally probable, even when one reason is obvious to everyone else). Next, how to ask questions *sensitively* if he's confused about why that person is upset. Then, how to treat the problem: change tone to gentle, use affectionate physical contact if person is a relative (but not coworker!), suggest options from list of options appropriate to the occasion, remember that upset person also needs time to work out whether options will work.

It's like programming a robot, except that my husband is human and also has emotions and feelings and I have to take them into account. He can get touchy about his lack of emotional intelligence. And no one can predict in advance all the emotional tools he might need in advance, so even though he's made EXCELLENT progress, there are always times when his emotional response will be off... because that particular program was not entered into the system.

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