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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - the inheritance is from his dad and yes, we take domestic vacations but I hope to do domestics/international travel alone (with him, sans kids) now that the kids are in college. But we are also paying for college expenses, which which are over in 2 years or less based on 529s.

He commingled the inheritance. Part went to house upgrades he wanted and part went to an emergency fund in a joint account when he left his more lucrative job.

Our income is $300k now but as noted mine went up rapidly in the last 6 years while his decreased. [/quote]

so, part of his inheritance is still in cash, as the emergency fund that was established specifically because he wanted to downgrade his job, and part went to a house modification that he wanted and it sounds like you would not have wanted/gone forward with on your own. so in effect, he already spent his inheritance on himself, it just happened to be legally commingled.

in addition, you collectively spend about $6000/year on his relatives, while your relatives give you an acerage of around $4000/year over the last 20 years.

he can't undo the commingling, and he used the funds to further his own ends.  further, the legal distinction of sole and separate property is completely meaningless unless he is laying the groundwork for divorce.

now, it feels like your marriage is in crisis, so it might be worthwhile to just use the emergency funds for one of these boys trips. given his creative math, understand it might be more like $5000 for one of these trips. and then you should take a trip just the two of you before the kids are out of college. and then you need counseling. because neither of you are communicating well, and you both seem to be harboring resentments.

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