Reply to Friend group is blowing up due to rift between teen girls

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been tight with about six other moms since Kindergarten. Our girls have always been close. Moms genuinely close too. But I know it's always a danger to meet through kids - though I thought our friendship transcended this. I was maybe naive.

My DD has begun pulling away from one of the girls in the group. It is not personal. They have different interests. However, my DD is seen as a "cool" girl because she is sporty, and the other girl is more artsy and creative. Well apparently, there was a text spat between the girls - or some kind of misunderstanding - where the former friend wanted to hang out with DD and her new friends and my DD said no. The girl became incredibly upset, left school early, came come in tears, and the mom -- my friend -- got mad at me for allowing my DD to "drop" and bully her child.

I saw the texts and immediately talked to my own DD. My DD should have and could have been kinder in declining hanging out. But she wasn't bullying. She was excluding. But they just don't have anything in common and she does not really like this girl. But now the other mom is asking our friends to pick sides, complaining about my DD to our mutual friends, and wants to invite me to drinks to discuss what to do going into the new year.

I just feel sick over this whole thing and have zero desire to get involved in my child's social life in this way.[b] I also do not want to raise a mean girl,[/b] but I think my kid should be able to drift from friends as a relationship ages out without repercussions. Anyone BTDT? I do still like the mother but this is putting a strain on our longtime circle.[/quote]

You already did.[/quote]

Genuinely curious: How so? Are people supposed to meet in K and remain friends for life?[/quote]

OP said her daughter was being exclusionary, and unkind in the process.  OP also attributes the separation between the girls and the resulting exclusion to her daughter being more "cool" than the artsy girl (what kind of a 90's movie are we in, btw?).  So her daughter is unkindly excluding people for not being cool according to the standard at their particular school - that's pretty much the definition of a mean girl.

Of course OP also says "it's nothing personal" and then a few lines later says her daughter doesn't like the girl.  She's all over the place.[/quote]

It doesn’t sound exclusionary to meet new volleyball friends and want to hang out with them without dragging along your kindergarten bestie.

I think OP needs to talk to her daughter about being kind and how to assert herself in a better way.

The solution is definitely not for her to be forced to bring her kindergarten friend to every volleyball party.

[/quote]

If one friend asks to hang out with you and you reject them because you are embarrassed to be associated with them then yes that is mean girl behavior and needs to be corrected. Teach your kids to be kind people!

At the least the DD could offer a different time and place to hang out if it doesn’t work as a group. Anything less is rude and mean.[/quote]

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