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Reply to "Stuck being closest sibling to declining parent "
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[quote=Anonymous]Our family is in pretty much the same situation. There are lots of us. Our father died years ago. Our mother was always a PITA. She’s now in her late 80s. She’s still in her own home but probably shouldn’t be. There are only two of us who are local, a sister and a brother. I’m not one of them. The local brother and my mother never saw eye to eye the entire time he’s been in existence, and he rightfully has very little to do with her. He will not visit. My local sister visits every day, takes her to doctors appointments, listens to her bullshit, etc. My local brother’s wife visits once or twice a week, only because she’s a saint. She doesn’t do it for our mother. She does it for my sister. My mother also has help come in every day. I pay for the bulk of that because I have the most money. Several of my brothers and sisters who also live far away don’t contribute anything at all, including the ones who were the “favorites” when we were growing up. I never was a favorite and don’t like my mother one bit. My sister, who is doing the bulk of what the OP would label the “grunt“ work is just resigned to the situation. She has frankly said that part of the reason she doesn’t “put her in a home“ is because she doesn’t feel like visiting her in a “home“ and is too guilt ridden to put her in one and not visit. Unless OP is ready to get rid of the guilt herself and stop visiting so much, she is just stuck with the situation. The only concrete piece of advice I can give her is to set up automatic payment for her mother for her bills. That’s one less thing for her to worry about.[/quote]
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