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[quote=Anonymous]We have kids, but don’t really fight about the kids. We have very similar ideas about making choices for them, and have come to agreement about how we divide up the labor.

DH and I dated for 5 years, and our first year of marriage was still hard (now married 10 years, have 4 kids). I think we are pretty happy together and treat each other well. We have been to therapy 3 times to help us tal things through, although not in the last 6 years.

Do you currently share expenses? That’s an issue for many couple, and to a smaller extent in my marriage. We mostly agree on financia priorities, although he is much more risk averse than I am, so we are saving what I think is an excessive amount for retirement. DH also wants to spend more money on his hobbies than I want him to spend, and likes to eat out a lot while I like to cook, so we argue about spending a bit.

If he has grown kids and you don’t, you may disagree about how much time to spend with his kids, how much financial support to provide them, etc. They may resent their parent getting remarried and spending money on you.

Dealing with aging parents can also be stressful, and if you are married there may be different expectations of how much you will help.

Figuring out how to disagree and fight in a constructive way (that brings you to compromise) was challenging for us, but we now have those skills. That wasn’t easy, as we both had years of behavior we needed to examine and change to disagree without being mean and trying to see the other persons viewpoint even when we felt very strongly about a topic.  I think that’s the hard work of marriage. [/quote]

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