Reply to Weekend Vacation While Divorcing?

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[quote=Anonymous]Every marriage and every family is different. Life is complicated, relationships are complicated, parenting is complicated, people are complicated. The dynamics of your family are shifting profoundly. Who knows what the future brings?  But right now, you can sit down and have a conversation with your soon-to-be ex and feel him out on whether you can do this trip completely civilly and focused on building nice memories for your kids. Don’t go with him if your gut tells you that you can’t both play nice. Do make it a family trip if you believe you can.

My spouse and I called it quits on our marriage 5 years ago. We lived in separate bedrooms in the same house for another 2 years. We only started the divorce process last fall and we’ve taken it very slowly and haven’t finalized the agreement. We have dinner together with the kids once a week. We attend the kids’ school events together. We celebrate holidays and birthdays together, as a family. We’ve taken several family trips together and are planning one more big one. We don’t stay in the same hotel room. We do not observe our anniversary, but since the divorce isn’t final, we do still have one.

It may surprise you to learn that spouse started dating someone seriously after we decided to separate and has been living with her for 2 years and we still have these arrangements. I have met her and we get along, but she hasn’t celebrated any holidays or taken any trips with us yet because that’s one of my children’s preference (they’re teenagers now) and ex doesn’t force it. I can’t understand how the live-in girlfriend puts up with this arrangement, but that’s her problem.

I don’t like my ex, but I don’t dislike him either. He’s much nicer to me since we gave up on trying to make our marriage work and I stopped giving him head space when he moved out. It took time, but I healed and let go of 98% of the negative feelings. My kids love that we still get along and have no problem spending time together. They’ll never have to worry about whether we can be civil to each other at their big life events. We still feel like a family, just a different version.

Most divorcing couples couldn’t live like this, but just because very few people can doesn’t mean that no one can. You need to find what works for your individual family.[/quote]

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