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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My best friend was adopted and when she tried to contact through the agency (still not public in those years) she was denied by both sides. Later the father called with some health info. The mother provided none.

When records were unsealed legally she tried again with both sides and while the father again provided more info, the mother honestly was brutal. Out of the blue, after writing a tentative, kind 'I've had a great life' letter, a lawyer sent a cease and desist letter to my friend and it was horrible. The language was basically "had we known the laws changed we would have made this clearer for you. You have caused a lot of hurt in contacting us...etc " (the nerve!)

Anyway, my point is, even to this day, though she has closed that chapter, my friend would gladly have contact and it would mean the world if she could have that from the birth parents. She has great self-esteem and was raised by a loving, fun wealthy family and yet still feels like these people would rather she doesn't exist. She often wonders why they had her (though she's thankful they did). In this day and age, it's just hard for her to understand why she is such a secret. It's not the 1920s anymore. babies are born out of wedlock. big deal.[/quote]

I don't think we should scare off this BM from contacting her BD.  I mean, people don't place children for adoption just b/c they are born out of wedlock.  The birthparents can be young, they can be unprepared for parenthood, they may not have much $$$ -- there are probably as many different reasons as there are birthparents.  Don't make this OP/BM feel like once she contacts her BD, she's going to get hit with a slew of accusations like this.  BUT, what we *ARE* trying to say, OP/BM, is:  please do conisder the BD may not be satisfied with photos, and please do consider going through an experienced mediator.  Someone mentioned Barker.  You could look into this, but, if you do not care for their style, please do not get discouraged and please consider others.  I am the PP who said she was an adoptive mom, and I know my daughter would love contact and info from her BD, so please keep at it, but please consider all of the constructive suggestions we and others have tried to post. Good luck to you.  [/quote]

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