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[quote=Anonymous]This is exactly what happened with a cousin of mine.  She’s in her early 40’s and lives with her mom who is her best friend.  They do everything together.  They vacation together, spend the whole weekend and every weeknight together, and rarely have room for other people.

Her mom never recovered from a divorce that happened when my cousin was about 10.  Her dad went on to marry again and had been happily married for 30 years now (no kids other than his 2!from first marriage.) Mom is very overweight and my cousin struggles with this too.  In her 20’s, she never dated.  I actually set her up with a good friend of mine who was near her age and he REALLY liked her and she loved having a boyfriend…posted about him all the time on FB, seriously ALL the time, but the weird thing was that she rarely ever saw him because she was literally busy with her mom nearly every night: Monday is laundry and binge-watching a show night, every Friday is bake brownies together night, every Saturday they do their Costco run which apparently lasted all day and then they d need the evening to unpack and unwind together.  My friend even offered to go over and bake brownies with them, but my cousin said that her mom felt uncomfortable with that and didn’t want to change their tradition.

They broke up, unsurprisingly, after a few months…the surprise was that it lasted that long, really.  That spring, our family had several weddings and occasions where most people brought a spouse or SO, and my
Cousin was happy my friend would be on her arm.  But aside from those public occasions, she never had time for him.  It’s not like my friend’s mom wouldn’t outright say, “I don’t want you dating him” but she laid such a thick fence of guilt and obligation and “woe is me” talk that my cousin gave up her one viable chance of romance and maybe even a family someday.

(My friend is now married and has a 3yo.)

I was mad at my cousin’s mom for a long time because of all her guilt and manipulation.  But my cousin is n her early 40’s now.  She could leave but she has chosen this.  I worry for when her mom dies…she will be so alone…but this is the fate her mom chose for her and she went along with.  It’s hard to fathom, but I think ny cousin’s mom has been terrified of being alone so much since the divorce that she raised a companion for herself, not a daughter.
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