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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To explain a bit more - DHs job is inflexible (or at least he treats it that way and that’s not something I can change short term bc his standard is that all of this could be done by a nanny. His view is our most important thing is securing their financial future which is frustrating but he grew up in an unstable war zone where his family lost everything so there’s a lot going on there ).

So that means I need to cover all the things I put these rules on and I start doing the math and think ok at a minimum 10 doctor / dentist appts a year, and 6 school performances for my one kid in school, and being home by x time every night and never traveling so that the kids always wakes up to a parent (dh travels a lot) etc etc etc and basically box myself out of any interesting job because I’m telling myself I must do alllllll the things on the family front.

So for those that don’t feel that rigid rule, im curious what they prioritize.  And for those that say all of this must be a parent, cool I’m that person currently too[/quote]

I massively empathize with you, OP. I honestly think that finding a balance you don't feel some guilt about isn't possible as a working mom, unless you are the rare person who feels no guilt about anything, and if you are, please show me your ways. I have made huge sacrifices to my professional potential to strive toward being the mom I want to be and I still don't achieve it. There is a quote that basically says, "We are the daughters of the women who told us we could be anything, and we heard 'You have to be everything.'" That is me - trying to work like my breadwinner dad and parent like my SAHM. It's exhausting. [/quote]

Me again -- yes you do probably have a husband problem but I often think it must be refreshing for a dad to be able to take that stance with basically no guilt because he knows if push comes to shove, his wife will pick up the slack to do right by the kids. [/quote]

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