Reply to People with good parents/nice childhoods who are selfish, unkind, unempathetic?

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "People with good parents/nice childhoods who are selfish, unkind, unempathetic?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If lack of any hardship can make people unempathetic, what can parents who raising kids do to teach empathy to children who have very nice lives? I grew up with abusive parents and am very empathetic, but I’m seeking to end the cycle of abuse as a parent. What can I do to ensure my kids still have empathy?[/quote]

I grew up with wonderful parents and I think I am empathetic?  I try to be and have been told I am a good listener/good to bring problems to by my friends.  Anyway, I think things that can help (although obviously the child’s personality and the type of parent has an impact) are:

- Imagination/diverse stories: read to your kids all kinds of books, watch all kinds of movies, play all kinds of video games, listen to all kinds of people.  Expose your child to the diversity of human experience and do it in an affirming way.  Which is to say: if you’re reading a book and disagree with the characters’ actions and values, don’t immediately start telling your child that they’re wrong.  If you’re instructing your child in your culture’s manners don’t put down other people’s culture.  “We talk softly in our family.  Please stop yelling.”  “Why?”  “Because Mummy doesn’t like loud noises and prefers to talk quietly.” (Instead of eg “Because talking loudly is rude.”)

- Talk about the positive aspect of different lives.  My parents always talked respectfully and even admiringly about my unmarried and/or childless relatives and their choices, while never seeming to regret their choice to have three kids themselves.  A key theme of my childhood I’ve only realized through reading DCUM is that there are many many paths to happiness and it’s okay to take whichever one you think is best for you.  And okay to change your mind.

- Act emphatically where your children can see you but don’t make a big deal out of it.  I remember asking my parents to host a friend who was going through a tough time at home when I was a tween and I remember asking them on that grounds and never ever really doubting they’d say no because the idea that they would do whatever was in their power to help someone in need was totally obvious to me even though I have no memory of them ever actually telling me that.

But to emphasize the middle point — these are things that worked for my parents with me.  I have wonderfully empathetic friends whose parents (who they adore) took a wildly different approach to parenting.  And there are life experiences outside of the control of parents that will also shape your children as people.

Anyway, big kudos to you PP for breaking the cycle of abuse.  Wishing you all the best and I hope your children grow up happy and loved AND empathetic.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics