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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH and I make a ton of money. It’s new to us but we’re on track to clear $900k this year with all of my RSUs and it could be closer to a million. For context, this amount is with a new job of mine but previously we’ve been clearing 400-500k for five years or so.

I have no idea where to put this in my head but he gets super nervous about spending now. He makes these broad announcements that “we’re not spending money this week.” Or he just walked into the living room and announced to me that next week on vacation I have to “be reasonable.”

For that one, I looked down at my target sundress laying on my decade old kid stained couch and I was like “please explain one instance where I wasn’t ‘reasonable’.” He of course can’t and just is like “you know what I mean!!” Which to be honest I DONT bc the minute I try to ask him what reasonable means to him he gets all flustered.

Not only is it annoying but it really gets me going when I’m the one clearing $750k, please look me in the eye and tell me not to go clothes shopping on vacation. I feel it would be pretty rude to point this out to him but I’m right on the edge. There is no history of either of us being spenders or flashy at all. Our biggest splurge is a house in Chevy Chase. Outside of that it’s seven year old cars and target runs.

Has anyone experienced a spouse getting more controlling about money the more you have? [/quote] How much of that are you saving? [/quote]

We max out two retirements, $13k/year into a 529 for our five year old, then save all the RSUs so after taxes that’ll be $300k in an S&P spread…then after that it’s about $4k a month in savings so give or take $48k cash that goes into a betterment account annually. [/quote]

that sounds like a good allocation, but if historical money insecurity is at the base of his anxiety, the bulk of your assets are in various mutual funds or stocks and not particularly liquid. and for his mental accounting, he may in fact reclassify that as "untouchable" just so he doesn't stress about daily market fluctuations.

it might be good come up with a solid plan between you that outlines your monthly cash obligations (don't forget to include quarterly estimated tax payments, real estate taxes, & insurance on top of monthly utilities and mortgage), add on some good percentage for "fun", and then discuss how many months you want to keep in a cash account and how to schedule replenishment.

my spouse and i have a joint account that we transfer cash to monthly and which our joint obligations are paid out of. we both pay off our own credit cards money out of our own salaries.

my financial advisor checks in with me if my cash funds get below about four months reserves, and we work out if anything needs to be liquidated. usually i might liquidate enough to have a 8 months to a years worth of cash on hand.

presumably if your spouse has run into financial difficulties it would show up in his credit card or bank statements. but i suspect it's more general anxiety with a helping of not feeling like he's contributing equally to the family.
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