Reply to Taking care of elderly family members who are not your parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think people should have to marry/have kids in order to ensure they will be cared for in old age.

But if you don’t marry/have kids, that should also leave you with a lot of freedom to save for old age AND set up your life for it so you don’t wind up in a situation where you need a high level of hands on care from a relative, or you can’t bare the thought of going to a full time care facility.

I think it’s very selfish to have no family of your own (which means never sacrificing or compromising for a spouse or kids), but also make no effort to secure yourself fir old age, and then to expect your siblings, nieces, and nephews to pick up the slack. You didn’t have to feed and clothe kids for 18+ years! Didn’t have to pay for college. Didn’t have to make compromises about your career or living situation for the good of the family. But now you want these people you never sacrificed for to take on your care? To sacrifice time with their own children for you?

It is beyond selfish. If you don’t have kids, you’ve go 50-some years to prepare for old age. Do it.[/quote]

Yeah, but the reality is you still might need someone younger checking in and making sure things are going ok. I wouldn't expect my nieces and nephews to carry me to the toilet on a daily basis. But I do hope they visit me in the nursing home or at least call in and facetime with me and make the staff aware someone is there looking out for me. It helps prevent against elder abuse. I've got ten of them and if most of them manage to visit me once a year or so, and call me a few times a year, that can amount to a lot of oversight but not take up much of their time.

FWIW, I would have liked to have kids but never found the right partner. And I did do some things for my nieces and nephews - shower gifts and birthday and christmas gifts and babysitting and playing with them on family vacations and holidays.

I sense a bit of a theme of bitterness towards childless people in your post. It seems some people who have raised kids like the idea of those of us who haven't sitting in wet diapers in our old age to punish us for not having kids. That's really messed up. [/quote]

I posted on the first page that I expect to do that (call, visit, write, etc) for my child free aunts and am glad to do so because they’ve always been there for me as it sounds like you’ve been for your nieces and nephews.  I think this is how it works and it gets more complicated when the people aging aren’t financially able to look after themselves or the children are overwhelmed by elder care combined with other things (eg their own medical care, kids, etc).

I disagree with PPP who feels people who don’t have children are more selfish/sacrifice less.  I think I, having the most kids of my siblings, am the most selfish.  I adore my children but I had them because I wanted them — their love and their companionship and the joy of watching them grow up.  People who choose not to have children are making different choices that are frankly better for the environment and humanity and I’m grateful for the many adults I (and my kids) get to know with their many backgrounds, experiences, and desires.[/quote]

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