Reply to Taking care of elderly family members who are not your parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think people should have to marry/have kids in order to ensure they will be cared for in old age.

But if you don’t marry/have kids, that should also leave you with a lot of freedom to save for old age AND set up your life for it so you don’t wind up in a situation where you need a high level of hands on care from a relative, or you can’t bare the thought of going to a full time care facility.

I think it’s very selfish to have no family of your own (which means never sacrificing or compromising for a spouse or kids), but also make no effort to secure yourself fir old age, and then to expect your siblings, nieces, and nephews to pick up the slack. You didn’t have to feed and clothe kids for 18+ years! Didn’t have to pay for college. Didn’t have to make compromises about your career or living situation for the good of the family. But now you want these people you never sacrificed for to take on your care? To sacrifice time with their own children for you?

It is beyond selfish. If you don’t have kids, you’ve go 50-some years to prepare for old age. Do it.[/quote]

Yeah, but the reality is you still might need someone younger checking in and making sure things are going ok. I wouldn't expect my nieces and nephews to carry me to the toilet on a daily basis. But I do hope they visit me in the nursing home or at least call in and facetime with me and make the staff aware someone is there looking out for me. It helps prevent against elder abuse. I've got ten of them and if most of them manage to visit me once a year or so, and call me a few times a year, that can amount to a lot of oversight but not take up much of their time.

FWIW, I would have liked to have kids but never found the right partner. And I did do some things for my nieces and nephews - shower gifts and birthday and christmas gifts and babysitting and playing with them on family vacations and holidays.

I sense a bit of a theme of bitterness towards childless people in your post. It seems some people who have raised kids like the idea of those of us who haven't sitting in wet diapers in our old age to punish us for not having kids. That's really messed up. [/quote]

I am not bitter towards childless people, but parenting is a lot of work and sacrifice and it's unrealistic to expect nieces and nephews to care for you if you didn't put in time with them to build those relationships. It sounds like you have put in time and effort and they will want to help you, even if only to check in and make sure you're okay. Plus you have 10 nieces and nephews, so they can spread the work around.

Very different from simply expecting your one niece will take care of you in old age for no other reason than you don't have anyone else to do it. That IS selfish. You don't sound selfish.[/quote]

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