Reply to Teenage Drinking - A hard no? Or can this be done responsibly?

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Reply to "Teenage Drinking - A hard no? Or can this be done responsibly?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Decide what's important to you, knowing that parties with drinks available are pretty much the norm in high school. I appreciate the "hard no" family's position, but you need to make peace with yourself that you are asking your kid to break rules/sneak around/do unsafe things so they don't get in trouble.  We decided safety was most important to us.  My 16yo ds is the sporty crowd and there are parties, I don't know if parents know drinks circulating or not. He has gotten the messaging (over and over again) that any mix of drinking/driving is a violation of trust so profound that his freedoms will be curtailed immediately, but that he will not get in trouble for calling us at any time for a ride home.  I think a lot of parents say that, but you've gotta mean it. So if he's going out we ask where, we talk about whether he's driving and what alterative plan is if not, if there is a designated driver (in his peer group there often is).[/quote]

This is our approach. Just a few weeks ago my 16 yo drove to her friends house and they had a few drinks. Her friends were encouraging her to drive home but she called us instead. My husband went to pick her up and said nothing other than “you made an excellent decision and we are proud of that.”  
If a teen wants to drink, they will. I just want her to be safe if she’s doing it. [/quote]

It’s possible to tell your kids you don’t condone drinking AND be there for them if they do.  Parents absolutely have influence on their teens; it’s not a lock them in their rooms vs. throwing your hands up dichotomy.  While you’re at it, it’s also important to be explicit with kids about what their peers are doing.  It sounds like the DD in this case made the absolute right call, which is terrific.  You can follow up with a discussion of hey, what’s up with your friends encouraging you to drive drunk?

Also: there is *no* “safe” amount of drinking for teens, not when it comes to brain development.  If you don’t want to take a hard line approach, fine, but don’t fool yourself that it’s safe in any way.  It’s not.

OP - have you talked to your DD’s therapist about sober weekend activities for her?  She needs a robust social life developmentally, but you’re smart to balance that with avoiding alcohol for her (and I do think for a kid with her history, avoidance is best).  There are plenty of kids who don’t drink alcohol in HS and plenty of fun to be had while sober.[/quote]

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