Reply to Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a lot of middle ground between super-close and completely cut off. DH and I have a good relationship with both sets of parents, but we’ve had some instances where we needed to establish boundaries with both sides. MIL still whines and complains that DH and I do not call her every day, but we’ve told her point blank that we are both busy working adults with two small children, so she’ll need to content herself with one call a week unless there’s an emergency or something. She hasn’t made peace with that, but oh well. She’d probably get more calls if she wasn’t such a PITA.

We’ve never cut off our parents and probably never would, but yes, we don’t take guilt trips or crap from them, and definitely never will.[/quote]

This is our approach. Sometimes even more than a week between phone calls if we really need space. Both my parents and my MIL have serious boundary issues, so we sometimes need to take more space to make it clear we aren’t going to acquiesce to guilt trips or other manipulative tactics.

But I have no interest in completely cutting them off. I do love them and don’t want to simply end our relationship, plus I’d like my child to have positive relationship ships with all of them.

I will say that financial independence and moving away has been key for both DH and I. We both have siblings who have much more volatile and unhealthy relationships with our parents, and it’s largely do with the way these siblings stayed interdependent on our parents (who themselves lack emotional maturity). It creates tons of resentment and can inhibit boundaries and honest communication.

Right now, for instance, my sister is not speaking to my parents. I do actually support her in setting some boundaries, but I also feel she created this situation for herself by being financially dependent on my parents into her 40s. She still works for them, though her DH finally does not. I’m not sure she sees how her own choices to remain dependent on them have contributed to this unhealthy dynamic.[/quote]

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