Reply to 15 year old losing interest in school work

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our 15 year old boyis a 9th grader at a public school and simply does not care about his grades. He cares about sports and friends, but considers school work just an inconvenience.  He has decent grades (a few As, lots of Bs, and a C+) but could have consistent A's if he put in a decent amount of serious effort.  When my DH and I try to talk to him he just blows us off and refuses to discuss.  His friends are nice kids, but do not take school work seriously and are a bad influence in this respect.  We arranged a tutor for the subject where he is getting a C+ but he refused to go.  We have tried giving consequences (loss of cell phone, grounding) but then he retaliates by putting in even less effort.  We have considered pulling him out of sports, but that is the biggest positive in his life, and if we take that away, we worry that he would turn to kids who are a bad influence in terms of drugs/alcohol, which (so far) he has stayed away from.  We feel like hostages because we care about his grades but he does not.  What to do???  [/quote]

So I think you have a great insight that you feel like a hostage because you care about his grades more than he does. It's such a tough place to be.  You're at the point where you're moving into the 'advising' role as a parent; we can't make teens do something.  As weird as this may sound, I'd suggest focusing on just connecting with your kid - don't bring up the things you want him to do; take an interest in something that interests him - go see a movie, ask him about his music or his sport, etc.  It's a long game for sure. With any luck, you'll end up with a better relationship with your kid, and he'll be able to show a trajectory where his grades improve as he progresses through high school. You're the only one who can judge how alienated your kid feels right now, but I would be cautious of pushing so much that there are more serious consequences than just bad grades to deal with.

Here's a website that stresses connection as foremost and gives some ideas of how to get there - https://www.ahaparenting.com/guide/teenagers

Good luck - it's so hard to have good advice to offer but then not have a teen who's willing to hear it.[/quote]

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