Reply to Why does my MIL do this? How to tell DH?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Why does my MIL do this? How to tell DH?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She’s 12. Teach her to speak up for herself. “Grandma, when you say things like that it sounds like you’re embarrassed by me because of my hair, and how I look.” “Grandma, if you keep saying g things like that, it’ll make me not want to spend time with you.”[/quote]

There is an unequal power of balance and you saying it like it’s so simple for a 12 year old to say these things is disingenuous. [/quote]

No it’s not. There are reasons I don’t take shit from people, and one is that I watched my parents stick up for themselves and set boundaries growing up, and the other is that my parents gave me the words to do it myself when I got upset with someone, and then backed me up. [/quote]

Here's the thing - you think that your approach fits all situations, or for you - "taking no shit" is the best approach. I'd argue that if you stepped back and actually was more mature in the process of these types of engagements, you'd acknowledge that you still have some learning to do as well.

Confrontation and "using your words" as you put it means that you want "x" outcome. In this scenario, you think that by saying something to MIL by a 12 year old is going to somehow change or modify MILs behavior for a more positive experience - for their relationship. Odds are - they won't and will make for a completely experience for OPs kid and also make for a more awkward and even worse relationship between the two. Note that OP says she's been like this and has the same relationship with her own son - for 30+ years.

So really - the right thing to do is for the OP to step in and first ask her 12 year old if she wants the relationship AND if she wants her to intervene. She used her words - she told her mom. OP can now say to MIL with her kids blessing that she wants a good relationship for the two of them and her DD loves spending time with her but OP is not going to continue to subject her kid to all of her negative comments that are hurting her feelings, making her feel insecure and inadequate and demoralizing her. If MIL wants to continue the one-on-ones, she is to discontinue that behavior or she won't see her as often.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics