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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like she’s always subtly insulting DD12. The past few visits to local MIL and DD has reported back to me—not her father—of things/experiences with her grandmother. Things like:

Grandma is embarrassed by my hair and thinks it’s messy. She always makes me sit down so she can put it in a ponytail. (DD inherited my curly hair and isn’t yet motivated to “tame” it. It’s always clean and brushed, but is wild.)

Grandma lets it be known that she doesn’t like DD’s style. (Clothing choices, shoes, etc. When they go out she’s always trying to get DD to buy new clothes that MIL likes, and is noticeably upset when DD doesn’t want them.)

MIL has been planning and talking about a vacation for YEARS. Every year it’s “I’m finally taking that European river cruise this year!” and every year it never happens. It’s finally booked. She told DD about it and apparently DD wasn’t excited enough so MIL chastised her for not being enthusiastic.

But the most recent has me royally ticked off. DD plays the flute, we’ve sent video of her playing the flute to MIL. Crickets. The other day she told DD just out of the blue on a FaceTime that “cousin” taught herself to play the guitar just by watching YouTube videos, and how she is “just so impressed with that boy.” She’s never praised DD, and not I’m putting things together to realize, MIL really only CRITICIZES.

DH has a tenuous relationship with his mom. She was a mediocre mother at best when he was growing up. He knows DD doesn’t like spending time with her. He knows she isn’t maternal. But this new cousin revelation has me convinced she CAN be but chooses not to be. [b]What’s the best way to bring this up to DH? [/quote][/b]

You don't. There is nothing he can do.  Sometimes you have to deal[/quote]

Oh no - you have to tell DH.  But do not expect DH to do anything about it.  Terrible grandparents were also terrible parents - your MIL is not going to change for you, DD, DH or anyone else.  In fact, your MIL will only get worse - more surly, persnickety, snarky, mean and rude.  Ask me how I know. My MIL thinks she is funny, but she is really just rude and snarky. Nothing funny, cute or "great" (or cue any descriptor worthy of praise here) about her. [b]She is just a mean, bitter old woman who sticks around to inflict her misery on others.[/b] Don't let your MIL try to manipulate or insult your DD. People like your and my MIL are only pleasant to people who they deem worthy - and that means that those people have to be their minions, exactly like them, "yes" people - being different from them is a mortal sin, because narcissism.

Like other PP, I don't put up with other people's f*ckery. But you know what? Some people exist only for imposing their f*ckery, and and that point, it is time for you to drop the rope and move on to the beautiful family you created, independent of MIL.  In fact, I would not be surprised if your MIL is extremely jealous of both you and your beautiful DD.

Devote your time, energy and love to those who deserve it. [/quote]

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