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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids. [/quote]

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in  with us. Many of us are visiting  and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.[/quote]
"We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you."

Not only will you be medicated to "be nice" but you WILL be medicated to the point you are almost catatonic. This is what is already happening in long-term care facilities. There aren't enough caregivers to make sure people are "safe" so the only option is drug them up, leave them in bed with a diaper and let them (eventually) rot away. While you may not care, it will still be difficult for any loved ones to come and see you in that condition.  [/quote]

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but I am the pp that said I 100% agree with them.

What are you suggesting as the alternative?[/quote]

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