Anonymous wrote:
I work in a nursing home, most people's children NEVER come to visit. Not even once a year. Never count on kids alone to take care of you in old age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in with us. Many of us are visiting and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.

"We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you."

Not only will you be medicated to "be nice" but you WILL be medicated to the point you are almost catatonic. This is what is already happening in long-term care facilities. There aren't enough caregivers to make sure people are "safe" so the only option is drug them up, leave them in bed with a diaper and let them (eventually) rot away. While you may not care, it will still be difficult for any loved ones to come and see you in that condition.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but I am the pp that said I 100% agree with them.

What are you suggesting as the alternative?

The only alternative is to first get the voting populace involved in gaining awareness of how the industry works. And make no mistake that elder care is an INDUSTRY and thanks to many lax laws, they can exploit government resources (Medicare/Medicaid) and do so while neglecting basic care for fragile human beings. It's very easy for them to collect big payments and dish out drugs to keep everything and everybody nice and quiet.

I've always said that if we treat our children like we do our elderly there would be a march on Washington like no other. But most people don't want to think about the unthinkable - which is growing older, weaker and more vulnerable. Until it's their turn.

Currently, the standards for hands-on care time is appalling. In some states it's not even enough to properly feed those that need assistance (stroke victims who cannot use utensils but are still fully mentally capable) let alone bathe, clothe or assist them into a wheelchair and allow leave their room. Forget about going out to a courtyard for fresh air. Some haven't breathed it in years. Staff shortages are legendary and are getting worse. No one wants to care for elderly. No one.

The Chinese are developing huge high-rise complexes for the elderly where just about everything is automated and there are a few staff members who monitor via a central command center. They have special mats the people lie on, so urine just drains away. They have robots who can do other caregiving tasks. Essentially, the elderly are warehoused like livestock and have very little human contact for their care.

This is OUR future. You won't have to worry about anyone taking care of you because no one will.

You didn’t actually propose any alternative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to limit length of your life? Suicide is illegal, unacceptable in most religions and traumatic for loved ones.

I'm not the pp that said that, but I feel the same way.

I won't seek medical treatment after a certain point. I think surgery, chemo, and other "life saving" interventions after age 70 is wasteful and absurd.

Anonymous wrote:How are you going to limit length of your life? Suicide is illegal, unacceptable in most religions and traumatic for loved ones.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. After seeing my mom’s decline over the years and how much help she needed. And then having to just sit and watch after the last incident as she deteriorated until she died. It’s awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in with us. Many of us are visiting and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.

"We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you."

Not only will you be medicated to "be nice" but you WILL be medicated to the point you are almost catatonic. This is what is already happening in long-term care facilities. There aren't enough caregivers to make sure people are "safe" so the only option is drug them up, leave them in bed with a diaper and let them (eventually) rot away. While you may not care, it will still be difficult for any loved ones to come and see you in that condition.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but I am the pp that said I 100% agree with them.

What are you suggesting as the alternative?

The only alternative is to first get the voting populace involved in gaining awareness of how the industry works. And make no mistake that elder care is an INDUSTRY and thanks to many lax laws, they can exploit government resources (Medicare/Medicaid) and do so while neglecting basic care for fragile human beings. It's very easy for them to collect big payments and dish out drugs to keep everything and everybody nice and quiet.

I've always said that if we treat our children like we do our elderly there would be a march on Washington like no other. But most people don't want to think about the unthinkable - which is growing older, weaker and more vulnerable. Until it's their turn.

Currently, the standards for hands-on care time is appalling. In some states it's not even enough to properly feed those that need assistance (stroke victims who cannot use utensils but are still fully mentally capable) let alone bathe, clothe or assist them into a wheelchair and allow leave their room. Forget about going out to a courtyard for fresh air. Some haven't breathed it in years. Staff shortages are legendary and are getting worse. No one wants to care for elderly. No one.

The Chinese are developing huge high-rise complexes for the elderly where just about everything is automated and there are a few staff members who monitor via a central command center. They have special mats the people lie on, so urine just drains away. They have robots who can do other caregiving tasks. Essentially, the elderly are warehoused like livestock and have very little human contact for their care.

This is OUR future. You won't have to worry about anyone taking care of you because no one will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in with us. Many of us are visiting and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.

"We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you."

Not only will you be medicated to "be nice" but you WILL be medicated to the point you are almost catatonic. This is what is already happening in long-term care facilities. There aren't enough caregivers to make sure people are "safe" so the only option is drug them up, leave them in bed with a diaper and let them (eventually) rot away. While you may not care, it will still be difficult for any loved ones to come and see you in that condition.

I'm not the pp you are quoting, but I am the pp that said I 100% agree with them.

What are you suggesting as the alternative?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in with us. Many of us are visiting and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.

"We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you."

Not only will you be medicated to "be nice" but you WILL be medicated to the point you are almost catatonic. This is what is already happening in long-term care facilities. There aren't enough caregivers to make sure people are "safe" so the only option is drug them up, leave them in bed with a diaper and let them (eventually) rot away. While you may not care, it will still be difficult for any loved ones to come and see you in that condition.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in with us. Many of us are visiting and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.

I think this is part of it, but also people are developing their own illnesses while dealing with parents that need to take priority and modern medicine (while working miracles for some) has made is so some elders can live a long time in very poor shape. Add to that the longer you live, the more likely you are to get dementia and some people develop angry abusive dementia. Society is then asking thr sandwhich generation to do the impossible even if we don't move our parents in with us. Many of us are visiting and coordinating things for hostile parents who know our triggers while dealing with raising our own kids still at home and working and managing our own health issues (autoimmune and other issues are on the rise). It's one thing to periodically get emergency calls for a year or 2. When it goes on for years and years, it is near impossible not to burn out.

People often refer to more traditional family oriented-cultures doing it right. In many of the cases I know of 1st generation or immigrant friends from these cultures, the parents provided a ton of parenting support up until they couldn't often cooking the meals, providing childcare, etc. Some of us have parents who had stable jobs with reasonable hours and amazing benefits all of which they took for granted. They retired to go enjoy their cruises or frolic in Florida and made it clear they were not the babysit or even help in emergency type (unless you couldn't find anyone else). They left the worst parts of eldercare to their siblings or found a residential and had no problems visiting little. Then they get old and need you and they want you to cater, cater, cater. And they get difficult and they start comapring you to those wonderful family oriented adult children who move mom in-leaving out that the same grandma acted as a free nanny for years and dotes on them rather than making every conversation full of insults, comparison, guilt trips and/or manipulations.

It's not just about being scared of being dependent for me, it's about being scared of being horrible to my adult children and doing in their sanity and physical health. We will move to a CCRC and make it clear to our kids they can give consent to have medicated to be nice! Also, if nothing helps and I become abusive, just make sure I am safe, but lead your life and don't let me destroy you.

Anonymous wrote:Today’s lifestyle is not set up to care for aging parents. Lives are busier now and parents shouldn’t burden their kids. Its nice for them to check on but have a plan in place as if you never had kids.