Reply to I meet a lot of moms, but no one wants to be my friend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to invest time before the coffee / drinks date. Join a committee, plan an event with a team, join a running or walking group that meets 1-3x a week. Then give it time. You are coming on too strong / desperate.  The women I call friends are all people where I invested 12-20+ hours of face time on a shared project before moving on to personal socialization.

When I lived in Chicago, group guitar lessons at Old Town School of Music were a very popular adult hobby. It seemed like everyone was friends and I felt left out . . . Until half way through my 2nd session. After investing 10+ hours, people started asking me to drinks after class, which class I was signing up for next session, etc. After 3 sessions I started getting invited to birthday parties and weekend events. [/quote]

this.

I'm an extroverted friendly person, and I have turned lots of people i've met on the school playground into friend. It started as many many many MANY hours of conversation on the playground, joking around and also finding common intellectual ground before becoming friends.

The ones who turned into friends --

with one, next step was exchanging numbers and texting funny/interesting things to each other. then suggesting books to each other and talking about books, then starting a book club.

With some others it was that our kids became good friends, which naturally led to playdates and that turned into friendship.

Others I clicked with we would find something weekly to do with kids -- like go to a weekly library storytime (when they were toddlers). this led naturally to a deeper friendship, and now that our kids are older we usually hang out, with kids, once a month.

Another mom I would talk to for literally 2 hours every day on the playground -- we had so much to talk about. When she moved away, we started sharing Wordle scores every morning -- 2/3 times a week this turns into a larger text conversation.

All that turns into coffees, having parties and inviting each other, etc. I agree that inviting someone out for coffee is actually kind of forward. You need to have rapport and a mutual sense of a friendship BEFORE coffee, otherwise it is awkward. I like the idea about about 20 hours of good casual conversation before moving onto the next stage (if the feeling is there.)
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It sounds like everything revolves around the kids.  That’s fine and I suppose makes sense since OP is wanting mom friends.  But gosh I cringe at having to spend all of that time at a playground or arranging play dates.  I wish it were easier to make friends who would be friends regardless of if we have kids or not. [/quote]

19:14 here--yes this is sooooo boring to me....so i really question putting in the effort for so little benefit...[/quote]

Do you have kids? You are spending time with your kids and taking them to activities and occupying them anyway. Why is it "soooo boring" to be doing that along with another mom and her kids?[/quote]

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