Reply to Friend with Asperger, how to proceed?

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[quote=Anonymous]Interesting flood of posts here. OP, Aspergers is an outdated term and that's really used anymore, mainly because Asperger was kind of an a**hole, especially about autistic people. We just use autism as an umbrella term and can specify strengths and weaknesses within the spectrum.

For your situation, I would acknowledge to your son that "I'll kill you" is not a smart thing to say, even though you understand the context of what made him say it. Remind him that everyone does not have the same perspective he does and what seemed harmless/part of the game scared his friend.

Since the mom approached you, I would apologize for what your son did (doesn't mean he's a bad kid, but her child was hurt and it's important to acknowledge that). You say this has happened before, so maybe mention that and ask if there's anything helpful to know about their child that might improve playdates. You can even offer your own examples-- "My Larlo tends to get really passionate when they play those kinds of games. It's helpful if someone tells him straight up 'I don't like it when you shout so much,' otherwise he just doesn't get the hint."

You don't need to mention anything like "does he have autism?" because that's none of your business, you don't have any credentials to suspect it, and anyway it really doesn't matter if he does or does not. Simply knowing shouldn't change the way you and your son approach him-- it's more important knowing if he is more sensitive or a very literal thinker or get uncomfortable with physical play or whatever.

I say this as the parent of an autistic child who would've been label aspergers in the old days. There have been a few issues over the years with friends but honesty and flexibility have made it work. [/quote]

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