Anonymous wrote:Also, OP, the term is autism, not Asperger’s. I’m not fussing at you. Just trying to educate you. The term Asperger’s has ties to Nazis so is offensive and is not used anymore.

I have never heard that ever. Can we stop using Downs Syndrome then?

Interesting flood of posts here. OP, Aspergers is an outdated term and that's really used anymore, mainly because Asperger was kind of an a**hole, especially about autistic people. We just use autism as an umbrella term and can specify strengths and weaknesses within the spectrum.

For your situation, I would acknowledge to your son that "I'll kill you" is not a smart thing to say, even though you understand the context of what made him say it. Remind him that everyone does not have the same perspective he does and what seemed harmless/part of the game scared his friend.

Since the mom approached you, I would apologize for what your son did (doesn't mean he's a bad kid, but her child was hurt and it's important to acknowledge that). You say this has happened before, so maybe mention that and ask if there's anything helpful to know about their child that might improve playdates. You can even offer your own examples-- "My Larlo tends to get really passionate when they play those kinds of games. It's helpful if someone tells him straight up 'I don't like it when you shout so much,' otherwise he just doesn't get the hint."

You don't need to mention anything like "does he have autism?" because that's none of your business, you don't have any credentials to suspect it, and anyway it really doesn't matter if he does or does not. Simply knowing shouldn't change the way you and your son approach him-- it's more important knowing if he is more sensitive or a very literal thinker or get uncomfortable with physical play or whatever.

I say this as the parent of an autistic child who would've been label aspergers in the old days. There have been a few issues over the years with friends but honesty and flexibility have made it work.

Anonymous wrote:Context is also very important here. Are they playing a video game and it's all in good humor? Are they pretending they're space pirates? Or are they playing Uno and OP's kid has a violently reaction to losing.

DCUM never wants to consider context. DCUM gonna DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a fight with a friend over saying "I'm going to kill you " recently. They were fighting about the rules of a game (think tag or the like) and it escalated. There were babysitters there who should have separated them for a cool down but didn't. The other girl told my daughter she was going to hell. My daughter told her that she was going to kill her. Should she have said it? Nope. Should the adults have stepped in sooner? Yes.

My daughter apologized the next day. The other girl refused to accept the apology and then bullied her for 6 weeks, convincing all the other kids to not play with her and having the group make fun of her. It seems to have blown over now, but my daughter has learned a big lesson about holding your tongue when you're mad and walking away. She also has learned a lot about the hurt it causes when someone doesn't forgive you after you apologize.

Your son should apologize. He shouldn't have said that. Lesson learned.

Why? To avoid your DD learning a lesson?

Anonymous wrote:I hope the kid's mom calls CPS. There is something very wrong in a home where saying "I'll kill you" is considered normal.

Huh? The parent didn't say it, the kid allegedly did. Kids say stupid stuff.

I'm sure the kid has heard the expression "My mom is going to kill me" which we all knows means be very mad or punish, not actually kill. Sometimes kids misuse language. They might say "I'm going to kill you" to mean I'm very mad. An adult needs to teach the difference between the two statements. Don't blow it out of perspective.

My daughter has a fight with a friend over saying "I'm going to kill you " recently. They were fighting about the rules of a game (think tag or the like) and it escalated. There were babysitters there who should have separated them for a cool down but didn't. The other girl told my daughter she was going to hell. My daughter told her that she was going to kill her. Should she have said it? Nope. Should the adults have stepped in sooner? Yes.

My daughter apologized the next day. The other girl refused to accept the apology and then bullied her for 6 weeks, convincing all the other kids to not play with her and having the group make fun of her. It seems to have blown over now, but my daughter has learned a big lesson about holding your tongue when you're mad and walking away. She also has learned a lot about the hurt it causes when someone doesn't forgive you after you apologize.

Your son should apologize. He shouldn't have said that. Lesson learned.

Anonymous wrote:I hope the kid's mom calls CPS. There is something very wrong in a home where saying "I'll kill you" is considered normal.

Do you have kids? Kids who aren't overparented, stunted, and and with social or general anxiety?

OP doesn't KNOW the kid has autism, she's guessing. Don't diagnose other people's kids. Teach yours not to threaten people, period. I really hope you aren't telling your child that this kid has something he may or may not have. Totally inappropriate. You could just practice overall kindness "it seems like Billy plays a bit differently from you" etc.

Also, OP, the term is autism, not Asperger’s. I’m not fussing at you. Just trying to educate you. The term Asperger’s has ties to Nazis so is offensive and is not used anymore.

Anonymous wrote:ASD friend or not, your child shouldn't be saying "I'll kill you". A friend's son got suspended from our school for saying the same. Nip that now.

I was going to say this. The ASD is a complete red herring here. Kids can’t say “I’m going to kill you” when they are playing anymore, OP. You need to talk to your son about THAT. This isn’t an other kid problem, this is a your kid problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope the kid's mom calls CPS. There is something very wrong in a home where saying "I'll kill you" is considered normal.

I agree it is more cringeworthy in this day and age, but it's not outside the realm of normal kid behavior. Kids have been fighting, shooting, insulting, and talking smack to each other for decades. Millennia probably.

Context is also very important here. Are they playing a video game and it's all in good humor? Are they pretending they're space pirates? Or are they playing Uno and OP's kid has a violently reaction to losing.

Oops, I should have clarified "pretend shooting" like with bows and arrows or cops and robbers or nerf guns or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:I hope the kid's mom calls CPS. There is something very wrong in a home where saying "I'll kill you" is considered normal.

I agree it is more cringeworthy in this day and age, but it's not outside the realm of normal kid behavior. Kids have been fighting, shooting, insulting, and talking smack to each other for decades. Millennia probably.

Context is also very important here. Are they playing a video game and it's all in good humor? Are they pretending they're space pirates? Or are they playing Uno and OP's kid has a violently reaction to losing.

I hope the kid's mom calls CPS. There is something very wrong in a home where saying "I'll kill you" is considered normal.

OP, we were in an almost identical situation two years ago. It sounds like you have done all there is to do and have been very sensitive to the situation. In our case, the neighbor child ultimately stopped reaching out to my child after awhile.

Anonymous wrote:Deal with your DS. Saying "I'm going to kill you" is very inappropriate. He shouldn't be saying that to anyone.

Would also agree, saying “I’m going to kill you” is problematic.