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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]2) It's really, really common for the new wife with younger children to think her expectations are age-appropriate when really they are not. Have you parented a teenager before?

^^^^^^

OP, this poster brings a great point.   Parenting teens is a whole different ballgame and things may not go as you plan.  Perhaps DD is good with the arrangement, loves her dad, but wants to keep arrangement as is[/quote]

OP here. I try to leave details out to not make us identifiable, but I do believe I mentioned upthread that I have been in DD's life for over 10 years. I am not a new wife. I've been her stepmom for more of her life than not. She doesn't remember a life before this arrangement. I also have a child close to DD's age, so she's not a teen in a home full of baby siblings. In fact, her siblings at her moms house are in the same age bracket as her younger siblings here (not including my older child). I, personally, do not have any challenges with DD. She has told her dad, her mom, etc., that we get along fine. We don't have any bumps or issues. She knows she is no different than any other child in our home. They are 100% equal. I can guarantee she has no issue with that. I am not the problem.

I know the responsibilities, etc. that we give her are age appropriate because I have a child of that age! Of course we make adaptations due to her inattentiveness, so we're not expecting her to do things the way another child might do it. We're talking things like knowing how to walk the dog (with a sibling), not lying and sneaking phones to play inappropriate games and watch inappropriate content on TikTok, things of that nature.

It is my belief that DD (and obviously her mom) prefer to keep the arrangement as is, and whatever the reasons are, it is what it is. It still sucks not only for the parent who gets no time, but also because the parent who does have her is overwhelmed and can't handle it, so the child suffers in many areas (has no friends, not doing well in school, spends more time at her aunt's house because mom can't handle her, not participating in any extracurriculars, etc.) [/quote]

Ok but why do you think 50/50 would fix that? Would she have friends? Would she do her homework every other week, extracurriculars every other week?

It's easy to not have challenges when you're only an every-other-weekend arrangement. Do you really, truly feel like you have time to parent this child 50/50 in addition to your other responsibilities?[/quote]

I never said 50/50...not sure how that topic came up. Of course DH wants more time with DD but what's most important is a better relationship with bio mom. If they could really communicate and be on the same page for parenting goals, things would improve. Example...if they both decided that it'll be important for DD to learn to work with others...maybe they sign her up for soccer. They both commit to making sure she attends practices, games, etc. If bio mom can't do it, instead of just canceling, ask dad to take her. The hope would be to make some friends as well. As she makes more friends, mom commits to some play dates/activities with friends, dad commits to some as well. Work together. Naturally, as he's more involved, that leads to more time, but I don't think it necessarily needs to be written out as a 50/50 arrangement. I'm sure he'd love that, but it doesn't really fix the overarching issues. [/quote]

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