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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like maybe the girl's mother has ADD as well, and that's why she's having trouble managing the schedule and parenting. Or maybe she's backing away because she realized she doesn't like the new togetherness as much as she thought she would. Or because the daughter doesn't like it, or doesn't like her dad's house. It kinda sucks, honestly, to be the visiting older child in a little-kid zone and in a family that revolves around the needs of younger children.

Ask yourself if you really, truly want a teenager in your weekday life. Really. With normal teen behaviors and a teen schedule and lots of homework and needing to be taken places and struggling with ADD at every part of the day?

Personally, I think it really is best for a child with ADD to have one single home. It's a bummer for your DH, but this isn't about him, it's about what's best for his daughter. He chose to get his girlfriend pregnant, and he and a lot of other people are paying the consequences for a very long time. It is what it is. He shouldn't expect to get what he wants. Nobody else is![/quote]

Clearly, she does want a teenager in her daily life or she wouldn't be posting here.  Why would you discourage them from being active in this child's life?  If they started their relationship two years after the separation/child's birth where is the issue?  He is allowed to move on.  He shouldn't stay single/any more kids in order to please his ex who will never work with him or be decent to him in any way.  This is probably about money/child support.[/quote]

OP here. This is not about money on our side. DH would still pay child support and have his child 100% of the time. He really just wants her to succeed and is worried that at this trajectory, she may continue to have many challenges in life. Now, if you are referring to bio mom, I truly don't believe she wants this arrangement for CS, but it is possible. She earns a great salary. My honest opinion, and this comes from what I've witnessed over 10+ years, is that DD is all bio mom has to claim. She is remarried and has younger children, but DD shares how toxic the marriage is (including some violent acts by both bio mom and stepdad, stepdad always leaves and comes back, etc.). Her younger kids have their dad in the home. DD is the one outlier who has grown up to be fully dependent on mom and aunt. As a result, I think bio mom believes that if DD has more time with DH, she may lose the one thing that has been a constant in her life.

She's not a bad person at all...I just wish bio mom and DH could partner better to better help their kid. I love her as my own but I fully understand that a lot of this, I cannot change.[/quote]

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