Reply to Bad advice / things you wish you’d known

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wish I had known that it’d be almost impossible to have an equal partnership in a heterosexual relationship once kids enter the picture because there is so much ingrained sexism that men are raised with and you don’t always realize it until kids show up. [/quote]

This.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

Yes! This is when the work actually begins of having tough conversations and figuring things out so that we can raise kids that witness a healthier dynamic.

I also think, at least in my case, this was a contributing factor to why my relationship with my mil began to get rockier. She lives close and this was when I really connected the dots of how when she did literally every single thing for her kids and husband (except wipe their butts) with no acknowledgment or thanks it was actually such a disservice to dynamics all around. At least present day expectations.[/quote]

Good luck to you with that. At some point, it just gets too exhausting to argue with your spouse about every tiny thing they expect you as the mom to
do - the class Valentine’s that need to be bought and filled out, the school pictures purchased, the playdates arranged, Halloween costumes, the birthday invitations responded to/presents purchased and wrapped, the medical appointments made, the clothing and shoes purchased, camps figured out, after school
Activities, etc.

My problem with this generation of men is most of them were raised in the 80s and many had moms who didn’t work or worked part time or didn’t return to the workforce until they were school age and their fathers did hardly anything so they are just used to women doing it all. That is their model. They cannot forget how they were raised and it becomes a blueprint for them, And so it does not matter how much more they think they are doing  - because trust me, they think they do a lot and yes, to some extent, they do more than their dads in terms of cleaning, watching kids, household chores, and cooking, but the  bulk of it still falls to moms. But don’t tell a millennial dad this because they think they do way more than their dad ever did. And sure, that’s great, but it’s still not equal or fair. Not until my husband is doing Christmas cards and arranging photo shoots and ordering and wrapping all the Christmas presents and baking cookies with my kids while I work on the household projects I want to do wil it ever be equal. [/quote]

Not all men. My husband was raised in the 80s by a sahm and a workaholic dad and he does all the things on your list and more. I’m posting on DCUM and he’s next to me texting people to set up play dates for the next 3 weeks.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

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