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[quote=Anonymous]You can do this, OP. Here’s how:

1. Delete Amazon, door dash, your stored cc number, etc from your phone. Leave DH alone on this until you prove that you can get yourself together first.

2. Duct tape your credit cards together and put them somewhere difficult to reach.

3. Use only your debit card for a month. Check your account every morning and evening.

4. Connect your debit to a spending tracker app and check weekly

6. Starting tomorrow, you do not eat out, or do anything that costs money for a month. It will be hard and you can do it. Pack your lunch, watch tv.

7. Use your time that you’re not socializing to get organized. Sell anything you can. When your money is this much of a mess then your home probably is too.

8. At the end of the month every leftover penny you have should go to the 401k loan. It’s small, but ties you to your employer. Get rid of it.

9. Use the budgeting app, go through your bank account and credit card statements for the month and input where every penny went.

10. Only once you’ve done all this do you talk to your husband. Say this, “we are totally out of control with money and I’m scared. I’m ready to get serious and clean this up but I can’t do it alone. Will you hear me out?” Tell him why this is important to you. “I really want to start a family.” Or “I want to not be stressed all the time about money” or “I want to buy a house.” Whatever your why is. Start there.

Then, calmly and simply lay out where your money has gone for the month, and compare it to the previous month. Go slowly and do not get into the weeds. Show him the progress you made and how much extra money you will have when the IRS, 401k and credit cards are done. Listen. If he’s willing to do it then make it easy easy easy for him. Show him what you did.

If he is not willing to do this then do it yourself until you get the 401K loan done and then divorce him.
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