Use your *debit* card 99% of the time.

We survive on half what you bring in and have good savings and investments.

Learn to cook at home. You eat out/get take out once a week (no, really). Pay off your credit card debt, pay of your car. Using your credit card should be for emergencies only. Use your debt card 99% of the time. If you don't have the money in checking, then you don't do it or buy it. You deprive yourself of it, or budget it in for next month. You live a little more "either/or" -- pick one, you cannot have both. Put yourself on a very strict budget for "fun stuff": $100 a month for yourself. For clothes, makeup, home decoration. Yes, only $100. Learn to shop at Ross, etc. The rest goes into savings and 401(k). Once the car is paid off, you ride it into the sunset until it costs more to repair it than to replace it.

That is the challenge. Can you accept it?

OP, I recommend reading the book The Psychology of Money (along with all the other great advice you got in this thread).

Otherwise, it looks like you have taken the first step...acknowledging that there is an issue. Congratulations on that!

Anonymous wrote:OP, go straight to You Need a Budget and sign up for the free month trial.

https://www.youneedabudget.com

I promise you, this is a great way to track your expenses and start living within your means. It has changed so many lives!

There are a lot of videos to help you get started. I will never be without YNAB again.

YNAB is for highly motivated people who are already doing the work on saving and budgeting. Do not suggest this as a first step for anyone.

I’m not a fan of ynab at all. I use a spreadsheet. Sit down together and list Out your income and expenses and see where you can cut costs. Read Dave Ramsey together. That’s what we did and we’re able to get out of debt.

Either your husband gives you all the finances to handle or you divorce. And he must pay into his 401K.

Anonymous wrote:We need to get a grip! We have no excuses anymore. We make enough money and still life paycheck to paycheck. We spend around $1500 a week on anything other than regular bills like rent, utilizes, car payments, minimum on credit cards… To stay on the budget I put together that would pay $500 a month over the minimum on the credit cards, and $500 a month in savings, we would need to only spend $800 a week on the costs we have more control over. Is that even feasible? There are only two of us.

You just need to reduce your spending on non essentials. Don't f with the IRS. Make sure they get paid and you file on time. 200k per year is a lot of cake, make a budget and communicate with each other. Pay down your debts over the next 12 months. GL

OP, go straight to You Need a Budget and sign up for the free month trial.

https://www.youneedabudget.com

I promise you, this is a great way to track your expenses and start living within your means. It has changed so many lives!

There are a lot of videos to help you get started. I will never be without YNAB again.

You can do this, OP. Here’s how:

1. Delete Amazon, door dash, your stored cc number, etc from your phone. Leave DH alone on this until you prove that you can get yourself together first.

2. Duct tape your credit cards together and put them somewhere difficult to reach.

3. Use only your debit card for a month. Check your account every morning and evening.

4. Connect your debit to a spending tracker app and check weekly

6. Starting tomorrow, you do not eat out, or do anything that costs money for a month. It will be hard and you can do it. Pack your lunch, watch tv.

7. Use your time that you’re not socializing to get organized. Sell anything you can. When your money is this much of a mess then your home probably is too.

8. At the end of the month every leftover penny you have should go to the 401k loan. It’s small, but ties you to your employer. Get rid of it.

9. Use the budgeting app, go through your bank account and credit card statements for the month and input where every penny went.

10. Only once you’ve done all this do you talk to your husband. Say this, “we are totally out of control with money and I’m scared. I’m ready to get serious and clean this up but I can’t do it alone. Will you hear me out?” Tell him why this is important to you. “I really want to start a family.” Or “I want to not be stressed all the time about money” or “I want to buy a house.” Whatever your why is. Start there.

Then, calmly and simply lay out where your money has gone for the month, and compare it to the previous month. Go slowly and do not get into the weeds. Show him the progress you made and how much extra money you will have when the IRS, 401k and credit cards are done. Listen. If he’s willing to do it then make it easy easy easy for him. Show him what you did.

If he is not willing to do this then do it yourself until you get the 401K loan done and then divorce him.

Why won’t your dh talk about money and why does he not save in his 401k?!! How old are you both?

Anonymous wrote:

4) Once you have the little emergency fund, Pay the minimums on everything until you pay off the IRS. That is the priority debt.

Genuine question: why would you pay the IRS before credit cards? The interest rate is likely lower, and the IRS does not report to credit bureaus (and, thus, tax debt does not reduce one's credit score as long as it is being paid as agreed). As long as OP is paying the IRS as agreed, logic would dictate paying credit cards first.

5) List your debts from smallest to largest in dollar amount. Pay min on all debts but the smallest. Attack that one.

This also makes no sense. I could maybe see doint it for very small amounts (say, $500), but, otherwise, OP should pay down the highest-interest-rate debt first (likely the credit card(s)).

Paying off small debts first can be a good strategy, too. It helps psychologically and can get the snowball going.

4) Once you have the little emergency fund, Pay the minimums on everything until you pay off the IRS. That is the priority debt.

Genuine question: why would you pay the IRS before credit cards? The interest rate is likely lower, and the IRS does not report to credit bureaus (and, thus, tax debt does not reduce one's credit score as long as it is being paid as agreed). As long as OP is paying the IRS as agreed, logic would dictate paying credit cards first.

5) List your debts from smallest to largest in dollar amount. Pay min on all debts but the smallest. Attack that one.

This also makes no sense. I could maybe see doint it for very small amounts (say, $500), but, otherwise, OP should pay down the highest-interest-rate debt first (likely the credit card(s)).

17:33 pp here.
once you pay off your debts but student loans, I'd up your emergency fund to at least 3 months of expenses. Then once that is done, increase your retirement savings.

Again, you can totally do this!

Start tracking your every penny in a spreadsheet you manage yourself.

You need a re-set.

Look at every single line and try to reduce it, with more focus on the lines you think you could really cut back.

Cut your cell phone bill, your cable/streaming bill, all of your recurring expenses.

Think about which kids' activities are worth it and eliminate those that aren't worth it.

Buy groceries at ALDI or LIDL. No where else.

Do a "buy nothing" month where you buy nothing but food for at least a month.

In two months you can likely pay off your credit card bills, if not you're on buy nothing mode until you do pay off the bills.

After that, decide on an amount that's at least 50% of what you were putting towards the credit card bills and save that.

If you're not maxing 401K / TSP at this point, save that way. If you're maxing that, have the amount sent over to your savings account as soon as your paycheck comes in.

I'm going to tell you something that you already know...This is a much bigger issue than money. It's a marriage issue.
Therapy for yourself if your spouse won't go with you can help understand why you spend and why you feel like you have no control. Couples counseling would be ideal.

On to the money part, in order:
1) Keep your 401k going up to the match with your job.
2) Make a zero based budget. Give every dollar a job. Be realistic, but cut out stuff where you can. Door dash, restaurants, cocktails out, target runs, those things add up. Try "You need a budget" You should find some extra money in our budget by doing this. Keep doing this every month. It gets easier.
3) Pay the minimums on every debt until you can put aside 2-3k for a little emergency fund.
4) Once you have the little emergency fund, Pay the minimums on everything until you pay off the IRS. That is the priority debt.
5) List your debts from smallest to largest in dollar amount. Pay min on all debts but the smallest. Attack that one. Once it's gone, roll that budgeted amount into the next smallest debt. Keep going til they are all gone. You can do the student loans this way, too, to knock them out.
6) YOU CAN DO THIS!! I believe in you. I paid off 50k of CC debt this way