Reply to Flaky friends - feeling lonely

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thanks for the thoughtful replies. I've been noticing a lot of the following dynamic in my text threads lately:

Me: Hey, I'd love to get a hang on the calendar! Dinner/drinks/walk sometime soon?
Friend: Yes, I would love that!
Me: My schedule is pretty open - what works for you?
Friend: ...

I'm genuinely having trouble parsing whether people are just busy and can't commit, or don't actually want to hang and are trying to be polite, or something else. Thoughts?
[/quote]

I think these people are not against hanging out but don't want to put in any effort. So if you have a specific event or date in mind and it works they'll join but they're not going to make any effort to work their schedule around you. If you like spending time with them I would invite them to larger group things but I wouldn't go out of my way to keep planning things.

I think the key is not only finding people you click with but also people that are open to new friendships which is a hard combination to find. Many times I have met a mom at an activity or school event and felt like we really clicked. But we never end up building a deeper friendship because they already have friends, are too busy, have lots of family commitments, only like socializing with their spouse, etc. Whatever the reason is its not worth it for me to keep trying because I'm not going to get much back. They may come to a happy hour or a playdate and we can still have a pleasant conversation when I run into them but we are going to get much further than that. I focus more attention on newer families or ones that don't have alot of family in the area. They are often more open to friendship. [/quote]

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