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[quote=Anonymous]As a step-parent, I suspect the differences between how the father and step-mother approach money has something to do with the dynamic. My DH was raised poor and while he paid all of his kids’ college tuition, his general view is that kids should make their own way (as he did). My family was by no means wealthy, but has always been more willing to support kids financially throughout life. We are also better off now than DH was when my stepchildren were younger, in part because of the money I brought to the marriage. The result is that our younger son, who is now in college, has had more opportunities  (travel, etc) because he lives with us at this stage of our life. I also expect that we’ll pay for graduate school for younger son, while DH did not pay for his older kids.

I’m aware that this discrepancy could cause resentment, so I have convinced my DH that sharing money now would make more of an impact on our stepchildrens’ lives than leaving them money when we’re gone. So, we set up 529s for the grandchildren, have given them cars & pay for joint vacations and by all means treat them all equally when we’re dining out, etc. Other than the dining out, none of that would have happened if I weren’t pushing DH (and sometimes just doing it myself).

My point is that I have been proactive in trying to encourage my DH to adopt my approach to helping the older children, but it has not been easy & only partially successful.  If I had taken the view that DH and his ex-wife were responsible for their own kids (which would be completely reasonable!), and I would deal with mine, there would be a bigger discrepancy. It’s not because we love them less or more, it’s just a cultural difference. [/quote]

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