Reply to Letting kids play vs clean house

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Letting kids play vs clean house "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I never heard a eulogy for a mother that said "She was the best mom because she kept the place spic and span." [/quote]

+1000[/quote]

Nope, but being mentally healthy is an important quality for any parent. If you don’t understand that this is anxiety-inducing for some people, then good for you, you aren’t a “neat freak.” You would never tell someone who got anxiety over anything else that their needs need to come last so…what? Their kids can have a million toys out? Most early childhood educators would tell you that’s not healthy anyway. [/quote]

We aren’t taking a wasteland of toys here. She said “clutter” gives her an anxiety attack. That is not healthy or normal. Normal, healthy people can tolerate the clutter and general mess of childhood just fine. Healthy people can adapt to their time of live and circumstances just fine. She’s not normal. She should get help for that. [/quote]

DP but you aren’t listening to what the PP (or OP) are saying. There is no one “normal”. Some people at their baseline have higher anxiety than others, and some such people find that having a clean and organized house helps considerably with managing that anxiety. I am one such person.

We didn’t clean up the kitchen last night so this morning when I got up to give my DC breakfast, there were still a few dirty dishes next to the sink and the counter still had some clutter from when we were fixing dessert. It didn’t give me a panic attack, but it was an unwelcome sight. I cleaned it up and once the counter was clear and the dishes taken care of, I felt more relaxed. But my DH could walk past that small mess 10x and it wouldn’t bother him enough to want to clean it up until he had to prepare to ight’s dinner and needed a clear counter. Neither of us is abnormal or wrong, we’re just wired a little differently and need different things to feel our best.

I already gave OP some tips for dealing with toy mess when you are a neat freak upthread, so I won’t repeat them here. But I can tell you that telling someone “just be normal and stop caring about this” is not constructive. This is generally not something people can fundamentally change about themselves. You have to adapt and find ways to figure it out.[/quote]

I told her to seek help. Disliking something and anxiety are two totally different things. Anxiety about clutter is not normal. Therapy can and does help people like this. It is affecting her daily life and how she interacts with her kids.  The biological purpose of anxiety is to serve to protect you in situations that are dangerous or in which you need to focus. This is not such a situation. A histamine response is protective but when it is out of control it is harmful and is treated. Same thing. She is overreacting to this situation. I’m certain this isn’t the only situation in which she feels inappropriately anxious. The best way for her and her family to live more happily is for her to work on herself not bend everyone to her anxiety. [/quote]

DP. Woof, I do not want to see what your house looks like. Lol that, to you, someone who gets anxious around clutter (entirely normal) should “seek help.” I only have to assume that people who throw that around as an insult is someone who, indeed, receives (or needs to receive) a lot of “help”. [/quote]

If you think quivering like a meerkat at the sight of a hawk when you see a couple of pairs of shoes in the foyer and some dishes on the counter and legos out is normal then you are sadly mistaken. I know there is a whole contingent who thinks that being anxious is some kind of identity or excuse for not having to do the work it takes to be a normal, healthy human being. Its not normal. Most people go through life pretty free of anxiety. "Oh the kitchen is messy, I'll knock it out before I go to bed or I'll do it in the morning. Larlo is working on an epic lego creation on the kitchen table, we will eat dinner around it until it is done." Obsessing about things out of place is no way to live and can be treated, you just have to be willing to work on it, like most things in life. Your anxiety doesn't make you special. It makes you annoying. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics