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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. TY for the various replies. Wondered if folks would think I was heartless but sounds like my reaction may be fairly normal. For more background,[b] DH got involved in their finances about a year ag[/b]o and it took some time to put the larger picture together. He is kind of shocked at what their burn rate must have been over the last 20-25 years to get to this point. TBH, he thinks it mainly went into these expensive vacations and renting a snow bird home for what really may be closer to 30 years along with not cutting any daily expenses (eating out 4-5x/week, the full menu of salon treatments, etc.). On the big ticket front, they started at six weeks in a condo, then kept increasing till they rented a house for about 3-4 months. DH DK yet, but thinks that there may have also been some money provided for college expenses for his two nieces.

He thinks that they can manage for awhile, longer than what he initially thought when we first talked last week. This is largely due to that they can[b] no longer take trips or rent a home in winter[/b] as both his parents, but especially his dad, are not as mobile as they used to be. The house is paid off - [b]they downsized 6 or 7 years ago[/b] - and is not that expensive to maintain. They are[b] eating at home more as[/b] it is not as easy for them to get around. They are [b]down to one car [/b]and this is also paid off. They still have their country club membership - DH thinks there may be two - and he is going to suggest that they let them go as they really do not use them as DH no longer golfs. (I have no idea what a CC membership costs as we do not belong to one, so DK what those savings will be.)

Aside from these trips, they were not necessarily profligate in their day to day, but they also didn't cut back some expenses as many folks do when they retire. We just spent the weekend with older retired friends and went window shopping one afternoon. Both of them were big shoppers back in the day, but only one of them bought something and it was both useful and reasonable. 
[b]
DH wants to get them on a monthly budget and he doesn't anticipate there will be much push back.[/b] His mom has expressed some concern about their money and, as she is the one who is largely handling it these days, [b]he thinks she will go for it.[/b] The real conundrum will probably be when one or both of them is no longer able to live in their home, then the money will go fairly fast if one or both moves into one of the retirement communities in which they have expressed interest. DH thinks their home is worth more than my estimate but also knows that the real estate market there is not as hot as the DMV.

Guess also part of what is chafing me is that my parents lived really modestly and spent their last few years in a retirement community that was a mix of private pay, Medicare rehab, and Medicaid. They were so clear they didn't want to be a burden (though my father would take money from me when out of sight from my mom). When they indulged, it was an ice cream cone, not a $30,000 cruise and similarly priced trips in other years. While my ILs didn't spend it on luxury cars and numerous fur coats, they probably should have taken just one or two big trips along with more modest winter rentals and called it a day.

Is now the time to have the convo about what might be the next housing options? I believe they have LTC insurance, but have no idea how generous the policy is and what is the cap on it, if any. Believe they have had it for a long time so may be generous.

DH wants to be a good son and is also a bit irked about the situation. He wants to get them on a budget and explore what are the best options. He is also very mindful about our circumstances - he knows I do not want to be rubbing 2 nickels together and working at Walgreen's in my 80s - and he doesn't want to put our family's livelihood at risk.

Should be interesting holidays. Thanks again for all who shared as well as good luck to others in similar circumstances.

[/quote]

OP it sounds like all the right things are already happening and that your ILs have been making changes and are willing to make more, and that they either asked your DH for help in getting finances in order or are willingly taking it.  Your DH seems significantly less concerned than you are.  My suggestion is that you try not to worry about it.  [/quote]

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