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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there is something freeing in realizing that your mother  will be miserable and angry no matter what you do. Even when you try your hardest, she is the same carping, hypercritical, unhappy person. You can't make it better. Read that and think about it -- you can't make it better for her, and she is unwilling to change, so this is what it is.

That means that this is a painful, unhappy relationship. it also means that it doesn't matter what you do, so you might as well make one person happier. She is going to be what she is, and you can protect yourself from that as best as possible.

It sounds like this has been a rough go from childhood. I'm sorry for that. I'm glad you are recognizing it as unhealthy, and I hope you find a way to live with that and keep yourself safe.

You know that person (or persons) in the thread above trying to guilt you over this? They are really going to steam over this part. I'm going to give you a gift as an internet stranger, because I think these may connect with you.

1. Walking away doesn't always mean leaving forever. It can be just setting a boundary for now. That being said,

[img]https://i.imgur.com/nL8iYLv.png[/img]

2. And then this -- Mary Oliver. I think you would like her poetry. Also check out "Wild Geese," if you like.

[b]The Journey[/b]

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognised as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

-Mary Oliver

[/quote]

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