Reply to How many women here divorced primarily due to imbalanced, unsustainable home workload?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's definitely tough...I work from home while DH goes in to the office so a lot of stuff falls to me, especially on days when the kids are home.

I miss those early pandemic days when I worked from home and he was out of work and took care of everything around the house.[/quote]

I have WFH full time for a long time so I've always done the bulk of stuff at home, even before we had kids, because it's just really easy to build stuff like laundry, food prep, and cleaning into your day when you have no commute and you are home all day.

However, during Covid he started WFH, first full time and now just a couple days a week. And I resent how little he does around the house when he is WFH. I don't expect him to do as much as I do when it's just me, but he does NOTHING. He doesn't even rinse his dishes and put them in the dishwasher, which I know is something he does in the office. And during the time that our then-toddler was also home with us all day, he did significantly less childcare and when he did do any, he was constantly asking me if I could take over so he could get back to work. Again, I work full time, but he's myopic about this and seems to think his job is more important even though we make similar salaries.

I have come to resent his WFH days because he feels like dead weight. He works in the dining room (we don't have a home office), he is on calls all day, he doesn't clean up after himself. I know he likes not commuting and I like that for him but I used to love WFH because the house was so quiet and clean and I feel like it ran really efficiently. Now it's like I'll go to do some meal prep during my lunch hour but I have to stop and clean up his breakfast and lunch messes first so that I have counter space to work in. I can't run the vacuum during a break because he's on the phone, etc.

If he lost his job I feel pretty confident I'd still be doing the bulk of the housework and childcare somehow.[/quote]

Yup. This is such a huge contrast in approaches. Frustrates me too. Dh works from home for a couple months now. Am dishes not cleaned, lunch stuff piled up etc. As soon as i get home with the kids he starts doing laundry. So then I have to do childcare and make dinner while he folds things. Yay he does laundry but he could do it after the kids go to bed or any other time than the 3 hrs he gets to see them each evening. The occasional day I WFH, i used to clean the kitchen in the am (takes 10 min) and pick up the house quickly while walking around on calls. Im just not going to bother now. I feel like WFH for women is a bait and switch and they just do more at home during their would be commutes and working hours. while many men still dont bother with the household stuff even as it freed up some commuting time. [/quote]

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