Reply to How many women here divorced primarily due to imbalanced, unsustainable home workload?

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Reply to "How many women here divorced primarily due to imbalanced, unsustainable home workload?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m about to. We had a talk about it last night and H threw a fit saying I don’t appreciate the one time he cleaned up the yard.

Then I went to empty the dishwasher and he goes “why are you doing that??” Uh, because the dishes need to be unloaded and no one else will do it? Which p!ssed him off, he told me to get out of the kitchen, and made a huge deal by spending two hours cleaning the kitchen down to every last detail to prove I’m not the martyr I think I am.

UGH. [/quote]

PP who quit. My DH used to do things exactly like this. He also would accuse me of doing make-work that even he acknowledges today were necessary kid tasks.

In my case I can say now he really *couldn’t* do more at home given the weight of his professional load. I grew up middle class and was really resistant to hiring out the level of stuff we needed to. He grew up UMC and didn’t understand why I was reacting like that. But even for things that just could not be outsourced, I think he got very defensive about it and refused to open his eyes to the reality of 1) how much life stuff just cannot be outsourced 2) how much I was doing. Because if he really saw it, he’d have to admit it was deeply unfair and accept that he was the bad guy in the dynamic, which is a big blow to anyone’s ego. If that’s what you have to convince your spouse of, that they are treating you very unfairly (and in my case that was also hobbling my career which I was just as ambitious about as him) well, that’s just a big pill to swallow. [/quote]

So he was very professionally busy and offered up the solution of hiring stuff out and you resisted? And still complained about the workload?[/quote]

…yes? I’m admitting we were both wrong. That’s how we are still married my friend. [/quote]

You’re still married because you caved and gave up your financial independence. [/quote]

You sound mad. Why are you mad? [/quote]

NP here.

I mean, isn't it a legitimately angering phenomenon that women often give up financial independence because their husbands won't step up? [/quote]

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