Reply to How many women here divorced primarily due to imbalanced, unsustainable home workload?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I quit my job in basically that situation. It came down to one or the other and he was never going to make the professional changes. We were both in biglaw. [/quote]

I don't get this Biglaw starts at 215k these days. So both of you were making atleast 500k, no.

With 100k in house help, you can pretty much outsource 75% of stuff. Why quit?[/quote]

Things you can not outsource:

Mental accounting of you children.  So, who reads the school emails and puts the necessary dates in the calendar?  Who lines up day camps for the days they are off school?  Who notices it's book fair week and puts money in the backpack?  Who remembers the 5 year old needs a snack packed EVERY day?  Who keeps track of what size clothing each of the kids wears?  Who cleans out the drawers?  Who buys the new clothes?  Who makes sure they fit?  Who figures out what to do with outgrown clothing?  Who pays attention to summer camp registration?  When it that?  What weeks are we going on vacation?  What week is their favorite camp held that they don't want to miss?  When is the sign up for basketball?  Do they need a well visit scheduled?  Dentist?  When was the last time we had a date night, I should book a sitter.  Christmas is looming, time to start tracking what things the kids like and would enjoy.  Time to book the special events and start planning visits and doing the gift buying.

AND ON AND ON.

You can outsource laundry and cleaning, sure.  Food shopping, sort of.  Cooking, maybe if you are very rich.  But their is day to day minutia of running a house and having children that is NOT outsourceable, that often falls to moms.  We are not better at this, but culturally we have been conditioned to do it.  I just had a dad this morning, who is a lawyer, tell me he can't keep up with the school emails.  It is not that hard to read the school emails!  Do you ignore emails from co-workers?  No, you read them, pull out what you need and delete.  These are the same skills.

If you could outsource all of this, you are acknowledging that doing these things is A JOB, correct?  A job that should pay money, right?  So why is it only the mom's job?  Men are capable, they just opt out.  Women are screaming at the top of their lungs that they can't do it all and are desperate for help.  And many men (not all!) will go rake the yard and then ask for a pat on the back. Do you see how that didn't address a single piece of the daily minutia?[/quote]

It shouldn't be only moms who do it. My DH does, but he is maxed out salary wise at 200k, and I am just starting out after taking a mommy break.

You can bet that when we make a combined  500k and more, we are hiring a household manager to schedule camps, vacations, doctors' visits, pack snacks etc. We already talk about it. Lol.

I know female law firm partners who have household managers. It's actually crazy in your case to give up your career for a man who I'd that self centered. Well, unless you are independently wealthy.[/quote]

10 years in biglaw later and I don’t know anyone who has actually realized your outsourcing fantasy. Maybe you know someone who found that kind of proactive help, but I don’t. [/quote]

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